As my beard grew, so too did Team Canada's chemistry.

After team Canada beat the bratwurst out of Germany in the qualification round, I knew the Canadian Olympic hockey team had a tough road ahead.  The mighty Russians, who we were supposed to meet in the finals, were instead met in the quarters. One of the two titans would be going home without a medal. This was supposed to be a game for the ages. I knew hockey of this caliber only comes around every 4 years and if the NHL doesn’t commit to the next Olympics, it might never be back again.  So I started sending some text messages and spreading the word prior to each game that regardless of who joins me, I’m hitting up bars for the remaining 3 games.  Not surprisingly, a large contingent of fans wearing (and bleeding) red and white jumped on board.

After the Canadians sent the Russians back home to cry over a few bottles of delicious premium vodka, a correlation became clear: this was the first time my beard and I had supported the team in public. I didn’t have a beard in Canada’s gold medal winning 2002, or the disappointing 2006 Olympics. The 2002 team had Mario Lemieux, the 2006 team didn’t. A reasonable conclusion was that my beard was replacing the leadership not present in the absence of Mario Lemieux. It only makes sense. There was too much evidence supporting the beard theory. I knew Team Canada and my beard’s fate were entwined.

Canadian heroes: Yzerman, Iginla ... my beard.

So Russia was done, but I knew the Russian team had been overrated, it was the fast Americans with stellar goaltending, who were the real challenge and I wasn’t sure my beard and I were ready for them. So from that point forward I pleaded with my face, “Please beard, grow…Before it’s too late. Canada needs this. The Olympics needs this. The planet needs this.”

When Team USA beat Team Canada a week prior to the gold medal game, Team Canada’s defense, like my beard, had holes in it. From that day forward I committed to growing my beard 24 hours a day. Even in my sleep I urged the hairs to be thicker and stronger. A couple days after beating the Russians, we took out Slovakia. The stage was set for a rematch between the USA and my beard and Team Canada.

As my beard grew, so too did Team Canada’s chemistry. The weak spots in my beard disappeared, just as the weak spots in Canada’s game disappeared. Coincidence?  On the day of the gold medal game, my beard claimed there’s no such thing. Did team Canada’s grit wear down the opposing team’s defenses or was it my grizzly beard? Did Sidney Crosby score the OT goal or did my beard? You won’t read about this on ESPN.com or TSN.ca, because the media wants to tell you a different, fabricated story. Shhhh…We know the truth, but my beard will let Sid take the credit, because it’s better for Canadian hockey.

With the Olympics over, the Canadian hockey team adorned in gold, my beard’s work was done, and thus, was retired. My baby face restored. But underneath that baby face a new beard lies, hibernating, waiting to carry the hopes of Canadians on its hairy shoulders for the 2014 Olympics. Thanks be to beard. Amen.

Canada may never know how it came to be, but what's important is that we won.

I’ve heard a lot of criticism of this year’s Olympic games and can’t deny there have been issues. Being a Canadian, I’ve been quick to defend my country, but more recently I’ve decided to take a more objective look at the games. Here are some facts.

The death of the Georgian luger before opening ceremonies was tragic. Let’s leave the fact at that and any questions about the track’s speed and the Georgian’s inexperience to the experts. We may never know.

The hydraulics failure during the opening ceremonies was embarrassing. Despite what many thought was a moving ceremony, the focus seemed to be on the hydraulics failure that left one arm of the Olympic cauldron stuck in the ground.

There’s an ugly chain link fence surrounding the Olympic cauldron. Spectators would like to get closer for better pictures.

Bad weather has caused delays, cancellations, and dangerous conditions on some courses throughout the Olympics. Many are criticizing the IOC for picking a city with such mild winters.

Biathlon officials and organizers made several mistakes. They held some athletes too long and released some too early at the events starting line.

Now, before we start defending the games or dubbing them the worst ever, let’s take a quick look at some other Olympic disasters and see how they match up against Vancouver.

1972 Munich Summer Olympics - The Munich Massacre.  “Five Arab terrorists wearing track suits climbed the six and 1/2 foot fence surrounding the Olympic Village in Munich, Germany. Once inside, they were met by three others who had gained entrance with credentials. Within 24 hours, 11 Israelis, five terrorists, and a German policeman were dead” (Source). This is a brief synopsis. Please check out articles for more details.

1976 Montreal Summer Olympics -  “The Olympics were a financial disaster for Montreal, as the city faced debts for 30 years after the Games had finished. The Quebec provincial government took over construction when it became evident in 1975 that work had fallen far behind schedule; work was still under way just weeks before the opening date, and the tower was not built. Mayor Jean Drapeau had confidently predicted in 1970 that “the Olympics can no more have a deficit than a man can have a baby”, but the debt racked up to a billion dollars that the Quebec government mandated the city pay in full” (Source). On top of that, Canada, the host country, finished with five silver and six bronze medals. This was the first time that the host country of the Summer Games won no gold medals. At the time of writing this, Canada has 2 gold medals.

1976 Denver Winter Olympics – Didn’t know Denver hosted the Olympics? That’s because they didn’t. The games were originally awarded to Denver in May 1970, but a 300 percent rise in costs and worries about environmental impact led to Colorado voters’ rejection in November 7, 1972, by a 3 to 2 margin, of a $5 million bond issue to finance the games with public funds. The Olympics ended up being in Innsbruck, Austria.

1980 Moscow Summer Olympics – 65 Countries and regions took part in the US led boycott of the 1980 Olympic Games. With half the world not present, it hardly seems like an Olympics worth caring about.  For more info on the boycott click here.

1984 Los Angeles Summer Olympics - “McDonald’s ran a promotion entitled “When the U.S. Wins, You Win” where customers scratched off a ticket and if the U.S. won that event then they would be given a free menu item: a Big Mac for a gold medal, an order of french fries for a silver medal, and a Coca-Cola for a bronze medal. The promotion became a near financial disaster due to the Soviet boycott which led to the U.S. winning far more Olympic medals than expected. This promotion was parodied in the The Simpsons episode where Krusty Burger runs a similar offer” (Source). This boycott was significantly smaller than the 1980 boycott, but it certainly eliminated some stiff competition for the US.

1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics – “The Atlanta Olympics were marred by the Centennial Olympic Park bombing on July 27. This bombing killed spectator Alice Hawthorne and wounded 111 others, and caused the death of Melih Uzunyol by heart attack.”

“A report prepared by European Olympic officials was critical of Atlanta’s performance in several key issues, including the level of crowding in the Olympic Village, the quality of available food, the accessibility and convenience of transportation, and the Games’ general atmosphere of commercialism. The opening ceremony, featuring 500 cheerleaders and 30 pickup trucks, was also “garish” by some observers and considered questionable in taste by many foreign visitors” (Source).

These are some of the Olympics tragedies and mishaps I’ve come across during my research. I’ve also noticed that small issues tend to be forgotten, but the large ones remain. It seems every snag during the Olympics raises the question, “Is this the worst Olympics ever?” Personally, I’m enjoying every minute of it and think people should stop being so pessimistic, but I thought I’d see what everyone else thought.

If you’re having trouble voting, just post your vote in the comments section and I’ll add it manually.

I’m not trying to start some sort of machismo debate, but when costume selection becomes a large part of competition, most men start losing interest. I do believe figure skating is a valid sport and that the athletes are very talented, but I wish the sport was more about the technical aspects than the outfits and dance elements. I propose they do away with the sparkly outfits and replace them with streamlined outfits like those worn by bobsledders or speed skaters. This is an Olympic event, not a fashion show.

Imagine introducing a man to figure skating for the first time in his life, during the 2010 Olympics.

HER: “Come on, honey, give it a chance. The athleticism is incredible. They can spin around multiple times in mid-air.  I think you’ll like it!”

HIM: “Well okay, but there better be a BJ involved if I don’t like it.”

HER: “I sat and watched Nascar with you last weekend. Cars, driving around in circles for hours on end. Then we watched WWE wrestling.  I think you owe me.”

HIM: “That’s true. Nascar and WWE wrestling are fairly ridiculous. Okay, okay. I’ll give figure skating a chance.”

When you turn on the TV he sees this:

Most horror movies aren’t this terrifying. There should have been a warning to small children and those with coulrophobia (an exaggerated fear of clowns).

What are your thoughts on figure skating? Do you like it? Hate it? Do you think replacing the outfits with a more standard outfit might make this sport more man-friendly or is this destined to always be a primarily female viewed event?