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It’s an age-old dispute that has lead to more breakups and divorces than cheating and erectile dysfunction combined. The minuscule fight that starts with toilet seats and ends with his inability to empathize with her pain. It’s the territorial battle by two animals fighting for supremacy over the place where they piss. Okay, you get it. Let’s move on.

THE GIRL’S ARGUMENTS:
#1 – In the middle of the night, if not paying attention, she might fall in the toilet if the seat is up.

#2 – The toilet looks nicer when the seat is down.

#3 – How hard is it to put a seat down, really?

THE GUY’S ARGUMENTS:
#1 – A rule of thumb, look where you’re sitting in any situation. If it’s dark, turn on the lights. Guys need to sit sometimes too and you don’t see them falling in. Also, guys aren’t asking girls to put the seat UP because the guy might pee all over the seat (the very seat girls sit on!). I can’t stress this enough, check beforehand. It’s common sense.

#2 – Nobody cares how the toilet looks except for you.

#3 – It IS easy to put the seat down, so do it yourself.

MY ADVICE TO GIRLS - Don’t give men the above arguments. They’re stupid reasons and easily overturned. Both men’s and women’s arguments are based on their own preference. Both parties are being selfish. Women, guys will get defensive especially if they feel attacked. Instead, try saying, “I’d appreciate if you could put the seat down. I know it’s silly, but could you just do it for me?”

MY ADVICE TO GUYS – Why are you arguing over this? Just put the seat down.  If you’ve learned anything in relationships, it’s as long as the lady is happy, you’re happy too. Also known as, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Don’t provide fuel for the flames. How many fights have you had that you deemed unnecessary? Put the seat down and you have one less. I have been putting seats down for many, many, many years and have never had to have this argument with a girlfriend (however, I will argue with other people’s girlfriends just to point out that their argument, unlike a toilet, holds no water).

THE ARGUMENT PROVIDED BY  SCIENCE - Ladies, are your men still being stubborn assholes? Here’s a real argument for you that might change his preference of seat up to seat down. Flushing the toilet with the lid up releases far more poop and peep particles into the air than flushing with the lid down. These particles land on your hand towels, face towels, shower towels and, worst of all, your toothbrush. Yum!

**EDIT** – MythBusters actually had some interesting results testing the amount of fecal coliform on toothbrushes, but they only tested this while flushing with the lid up and there were confound variables to consider. It’s hard to know what to take from their tests, except that yes, there is a tiny bit of poo on your toothbrush, but there may be a tiny bit of poo everywhere and it’s not something you need to worry about. You can find that episode of MythBusters here [9:50 running time] (hat tip to The Rabid Iguana). ***

Remember to be patient. If a man has been leaving the seat up for 20 years it’s going to a take a while to get used to putting it down. Here’s hoping this blog post saves some women from cannon-balling into the john at 4am.

Did I miss any arguments? I’d be happy to add and address anything I missed. Do you agree or disagree with my reasoning?