It Tony was my best friend we’d talk about his days as a 2nd baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals and just how heartbreaking it must have been to go from a Major League Baseball player to a housekeeper in Connecticut. He would tell me that life can throw you some curveballs sometimes. I’d enjoy his timely baseball analogy and nod in agreement. Life can be tricky.

While noshing on Tony’s homemade veal sandwich we’d compare secrets in removing common and uncommon household stains and as always, Tony would know far too many housekeeping secrets. Is there anything he’s not good at? What a swell bestie Tony is.

Perhaps over a few beers I’d ask him just how bad things got between him and Angela when he took the teaching job in Iowa and if, in the end, it was worth it.

I might inquire if he had any nude photos of Mona hidden away that I could take a peek at or just how much he misses his blue van. That Mona was smoking hot and that van was super classic. Two old beauties that I wish could last forever.

“Has Jonathan come out of the closet yet?” I’d ask at Billy’s wedding.  Tony would probably laugh and say, “No comment.” He usually says the right things.

I’d probably get drunk one time and tell him he could do better than Angela and that he should go after Samantha. “She’s a hottie and has a nice rack,” I’d confide only remembering that Samantha is his daughter after he sent me reeling with a powerful right jab. “Don’t pretend you never thought about it, Tony!” I would yell angrily as I crawled away, pissing myself in terror. We would never speak again. You’d think Tony would understand that mistakes happen. After all, he did slide into home that one time and was out by a mile. What was he thinking? What a jackass.

The thought of attending an acoustic show did not wow or excite me, but it sounded like a decent, relaxing night out in Toronto. On top of that, I was more than curious to return to my old favorite venue, the El Mocambo, where I’d attended two of my all time favorite shows: Millencolin and The Suicide Machines over 10 years ago. Whether it was the many many rum and cokes and Labatt 50s, the intimate and nostalgic atmosphere of the El Mocambo, the company of good friends, or the great music I couldn’t tell you, but it made for one hell of a good night and a pretty mean hangover the next morning.

Joey Cape

Tony Sly

The FIFA 2010 World Cup of Soccer is upon us and everyone is flying their flags and sporting their team’s colors. So the question is, who are you rooting for? For those of you who don’t care, there’s an option for you on there too.

Remember the question isn’t who do you think is going to win, it’s who do you WANT to win (Please retweet this link or post it on your Facebook page using the buttons below. Let’s see which country has the best following).

To vote, select your answer, then click the “vote” button at the bottom of the poll.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

I haven’t been updating the website recently. Why? I dunno. Laziness, busyness, a two week bout with explosive diarrhea? Take your pick. They might all be true.

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’m pretty excited about it. I like having people celebrate my ability to survive yet another year. How do I do it? I don’t run into traffic and I haven’t contracted a fatal disease. Those two things are key in mastering the art of survival. But heck, if you’re reading this, you’re still surviving too. Good on ya. Got any tips on dodging the Grim Reaper you’d like to share?

Anyway, tomorrow, on June 11th, be sure to celebrate my continuing immortality.  I enter the last year of my 20s. Perhaps it’s time to get serious and start wearing suits and ties and talking about politics and the economy. Or maybe I’ll just have some drinks and play videogames. The world is my oyster. Look out, here I come.

Now for something completely different, here is a funny movie about a dog that I enjoyed quite a bit this morning.

Moms and Dads dropped $1500 on Tickle Me Elmo in Christmas of 1996, but now people don't even want it for a quarter.

For more on Tickle Me Elmo madness, check out this article from People magazine.

If you're done tickling Elmo, you can use this guide to tickle your lady friend(s).

Got an issue with Granny? Then this terrifying Voodoo Granny doll is for you!

Don't remember who Susan Powter is? Maybe that's because you're lucky enough to have repressed the memories of her. She's even more terrifying than Voodoo Granny.

This was on the package of a 3D Dog Puzzle. The kids' reaction is priceless, but seeing how the unopened puzzle was at the garage sale, I'd say their reaction is inaccurate.

This would look excellent above the mantle.

Some people like their exotic dancers dangerous, but for those who don't ...

I'm not sure that learning to paint rocks and learning to surf are related, but what do I know?

Here I was thinking I was the only one that called my penis a Dammit Doll. Go figure.

This is one sexy shot glass that had me reaching for my Dammit Doll, but I am a bit curious why the nipples are hairy.

Why, in God's name, do the French call Waldo Charlie? This irks me to the nth degree.

The "Salty" tag is protruding from his balls. Salty balls. Get it? Nevermind.

Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini...I-Roc? I can't believe this didn't sell.

Two of my friends insisted I take this picture. Later, another friend said, "Hey, did you get a picture of the Nut Vendor jar?" We're a real mature group.

What’s the best/funniest thing you’ve ever found at a garage sale?

P.S. Commenting helps increase world awesomeness.