Facebook has become the ultimate interrogator. By simply asking the question, “What’s on your mind?” to its users, criminals feel compelled to confess their crimes to Facebook.

Take this latest example for instance:

LONDON, CANADA – A city known not only for its post-secondary schools (The University of Western Ontario, and Fanshawe College), but also famous for its party-going culture. A riot broke out St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday. A news van was flipped, miscellaneous items set on fire, and bottles thrown at cops.

The rioting part of this is dumb enough, but intoxicated college students are known to do idiotic things. If you think peer pressure is bad, imagine mob pressure.

An estimated 1000 people participated in the riot, and it’s clear the rioters came down with a temporary case of DUHHHHH brought on by a combination of St. Paddy’s Day + Saturday + above average temperatures. Each of those three factors lead to excessive drinking on their own in college, but you add a holiday centered around drinking all day and things are bound to get out of hand.

Out of those 1000 who participated in the riot, how many confessed to their crimes with a promise of video evidence? The level of stupidity here is through the roof, clouds and into the great beyond. Brenden, what were you thinking?

I do feel for the kid, because while many of us have participated in acts of dumbness when we were in our teens or early twenties, with stories we wanted to share with all of our friends at once, we were lucky enough to not have the ability to do it. Facebook is great, but it’s also dangerous. I guarantee Brenden learned or will learn his lesson from this, which is why I blacked out his name and blurred his picture. It’s not for me to put his name out there, I’m sure he’s already infamous in London and the surrounding area.

Simple rule of thumb: When Facebook asks you, “What’s on your mind?” don’t post anything that can get you arrested.

Did you enjoy laughing at this guy’s misfortune? I know I did. If so, please use the below buttons to share this post.

You’re probably aware it’s no longer politically correct to wish people Merry Christmas if you’re not sure whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Some people get offended, frown and say, “Actually I don’t celebrate Christmas.” Because of that, the recommended phrase is “happy holidays.”

Yes, Christmas’s origins are religious, a celebration of the birth of the little tiny baby Jesus, the story with the star, the manger, the gold, frankenstein and merman. However, many people who aren’t religious celebrate Christmas and focus on the exchanging gifts and sharing drunken quality time with loved ones rather than the religious parts of it. Even good ol’ Jumpin’ Jesus could respect that (although he may not appreciate when people replace his name with an X in X-Mas).

But what about those who don’t celebrate Christmas at all?

Well, the jokes on them, because they’ve been celebrating Christmas for years without even knowing it. You know that “holiday” office party you enjoyed so much, the one with green and red streamers hanging on the wall, mistletoe dangling in the doorway, and the sweet sweet sounds of Feliz Navidad blaring in the background? Oh man, remember you made out with the chubby chick in the Santa hat? That was a Christmas party.  Without Christmas, that party wouldn’t exist.

You know all those sweet post Christmas sales that you enjoy taking advantage of? Many of those sales are there because of Christmas. So whether you like it or not, you’ve been ho-ho-ho-ing without even realizing it. No one is asking you to pledge allegiance to Jazzy Jesus, but merely to enjoy the festivities.

You know the days you get off on and around Christmas? You get those days off because of Christmas. Sure, I’d prefer the 8 days of Hanukkah off and would love to do some partying at a Hoppin’ Hannukkah or Cwazy Kwanzaa office party, but that opportunity has never presented itself to me, if it does, I’m there. So take the Christmas well wishes for what they are: well wishes. Enjoy the good times.

Still not convinced? The word “holiday” is actually derived from “holy-day”, so wishing someone happy holidays without knowing if they’re religious or not wouldn’t be politically correct either. So in the end none of us are being very PC, are we?

Merry Christmas to ALL and to ALL a good night.

In what might be attributed to trying to keep their upper lip warm in the cold Canadian winter, Canadians have raised far more than any other country in Movember 2011 by pulling in over $33 million in the fight against prostate cancer. In second place, the Movember inventing Aussies clocked in at over $22.5 million while the U.S. managed to raise $12 million, which reportedly was raised solely by the mighty Tom Selleck. Tom’s hoping to team up with Wilford Brimley next year to double that amount.

Here, we list the Movember winners and losers.

Movember Winners

14. November, because Movember makes November THAT much better.

13. Those tiny scissors with the wonky curve in your bathroom drawer, who finally got some use.

12. That mole on your upper lip that Movember showed you how to cover up.

11. Your fingertips, who enjoyed stroking that beautiful ‘stache constantly.

10. DVD sales for Magnum PI.

9. You, for having great times growing a mustache.

8. Male bonding, as Movember allowed strangers everywhere to bond over their mutual mustache.

7. Your razor, who got a well needed rest before the holiday season.

6. Small talk, because Movember gave everyone something to talk about.

5. Your friends, who got to laugh at your face on a daily basis.

4. Real men, who got to demonstrate their manliness by growing a majestic broom under their nose.

3. Perverts, who had a whole month of blending in with the crowd.

2. The fight against the very cruel and evil prostate cancer.

1. Ladies everywhere.

Movember Losers

12. Remembrance Day, that became more about remembering it’s time to grow a mustache than remember the mustaches soldiers who fought so bravely for our freedom.

11. Creamy soups, that got lost in your face-sponge.

10. Every man who didn’t participate in Movember, and got hassled for it and will live with regret for a whole year.

9. Your razor, who dreaded the day he would have to tear down the mighty forest north of your lips.

8. Your friends, who had to look at disgusting close-up pictures of your molester-like ‘stache on Facebook.

7. Women who received pledges for their mustache.

6. Wives and Girlfriends, who have been kissing sandpaper for the last month.

5. You, for having to look at yourself in the mirror for thirty days and see the patchy, ugly, itchy caterpillar nuzzling on your upper lip.

4. Married Movember men, who have seen a steady decline in their sex life.

3. Your mother, who hated the ‘stache since day one.

2. Full-time mustache growers, who were laughed at mistakenly by people thinking their duster was for Movember only.

1. Ladies everywhere.

linguini, fettuccine, martini, bikini. Slap Chop

you’re gong to love my nuts

Do you like the new Slap Chop addition or do you prefer the more traditional design (seen below)?

Waldo, from Where’s Waldo? fame, took his life today by jumping off the edge of a cliff. He had been running for more than 20 years, but was unable to escape the watchful eyes of children everywhere. He left this letter to his fans:

Dearest fans,

You’ve been looking for me for a long time. When you found me you’d exclaim, “There’s Waldo!” and I’d reply, “Yup, here I am. What do you want?”

But you never wanted anything from me. You never asked how I was doing or what I was up to. You tortured me for no reason. You’re a bully. You couldn’t leave me alone, could you? I just wanted to travel in peace.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I wasn’t hiding. If I wanted to hide I would have changed my sweater or grew a beard. Did you ever think of that?

To all you obnoxious pricks who suggested I wear some different clothes:

I love this sweater, it’s gnarly beyond belief. And my sweet thick-rimmed spectacles and beanie with the pom-pom? Badass. I started the whole hipster look.

Quote me on this: I AM the original hipster. Check out the included diagram or Google it you little shits. It’s a well known fact.

With everyone dressing like me you’d think I could finally blend in with the crowd. Kids are like bloodhounds though. So today, tired of all the bullshit that’s transpired over the years, I’m ending it all.

Guess which turd-licker isn’t going to be there when I die? Besides you, it’s that stinky old wizard dude. He claims he sent me on my travels. That geezer is nuts. I do not know him. Wherever I go, I turn around and the coned-hat motherfucker right behind me, dragging his dirty ass beard along with him. It is in no way cool beans. Weird thing is, he never wanted to talk, he just wanted to be noticed, to be famous.

If that wasn’t bad enough, when The Lord of the Rings came out, The Wiz started getting all Gandalfy. He’d still follow me from city to city, but on top of that he was quoting Gandalf the fucking Grey on the regular. Did I mention The Wiz doesn’t even wear shoes? Totes Mcgross.

I hate The Wiz.

Whatever, I’m done. If I can’t be myself without being hounded by little snot-nosed kids and The Wiz, forget it. The search is over kids. Maybe now I’ll rest in peace.

Adios crap-faces,

– Wally (That’s right, my real name isn’t Waldo)*

*While many in North America know the striped-shirted nomad as Waldo, his original name, and how he is known in many other parts of the world, is Wally. Besides those names, Waldo has many other aliases worldwide (see below).

Including:

Croatian – Jura

Czech – Valík

Danish – Holger

Estonian – Volli

Finnish – Vallu

French – Charlie

German – Walter

Hebrew – Efi

Hindi – Hetti

Hungarian – Vili

Icelandic – Valli

Italian – Ubaldo

Norweigian – Willy

Spanish - Wally

Swedish – Valle

Turkish - Veli

Welsh – Wali

While you’re there, browse a bit, read some stuff, we won’t ask you to buy anything, I promise.

If I hear the term “dirty-thirty” again I’m going to puke. Just because it rhymes, doesn’t mean we have to say it all the time. Besides, I showered this morning. I’m clean.

So with that said, this Saturday I’ll be putting my 20s behind me and moving on to a new chapter in my life. I have a few gray hairs, I shave the back of my ears once every couple of weeks, and I constantly battle nose hairs that, when untamed, can be used as dental floss. But all in all, aging isn’t so bad yet. I still have a full head of hair, don’t require glasses for anything, no back or knee ailments, and I keep my self in relatively good shape. Also, no cavities.

So how will I ever deal with the big three-oh? Tequila. Yes sir. But to be fair, I have tequila on my birthday every year. Tequila and fun are synonyms in my book. It’s when tequila isn’t present on my birthday that I’ll know old age is creeping in. Every year I throw a big party for myself because we only get so many birthdays and I want to make sure all my favorite people are there to celebrate it with me. Don’t wait for anyone else to make your birthday. Do it yourself and you’ll almost never be disappointed.

People ask, “How does it feel to be turning 30?” and my answer has been, “Fine, I guess. It’s just a number.” However, the closer I get to the big day, the more I take stock of the things I have and haven’t accomplished. I mean, I never actually beat Super Mario Brothers, which is a huge disappointment, but on the bright side, I’ve beaten Super Mario 2 and 3 countless times. So it’s not a total loss, right? We can’t always focus on the negatives. Besides, I didn’t own Super Mario Brothers so … there!

Expectations of my 30s

In my early 20s I expected a lot of things to be different by time I was 30.  I expected more. For instance, I expected to be behind the wheel of a flying car on my way to visit the cloned dinosaur zoo. That hasn’t happened. I’m not sure if it ever will. My dreams crushed like an Air Corolla under the unforgiving foot of a tyrannosaurus rex. Life is rough.

The question of “What’s next for me?” seems to surface a lot during long sleepless nights. Ambition is important. The answer, time and time again, is that what’s next is a really great tattoo with a powerful slogan that represents who I am and what I stand for. That’s never a bad idea.

The urge to regress to my youth and do something stupid is stronger than it’s ever been, and if you know me, it’s an urge that’s always been there. For instance, I have a desire to eat a whole row of Oreo cookies and wash it down with a large bottle of Coke while sitting around in underwear. Why would I fight these urges? WHY!?!

The truth is, life is A-OK. Things are good. I have some plans, you know, some schemes. Could life be better? Life could always be better. It’s when we stop striving for more that we end up unhappy. With that in mind, I think I’ll eat two rows of Oreo cookies instead of just one.

Aging: don’t over think it, but definitely enjoy it.

What are your thoughts on being in your 30s (whether you’re not there yet, you’re there now, or you were there before)?

Thanks for all the submissions!

If you’d like a chance to be on the website for a future post, please visit and “Like” (not “Love” we don’t know each other that well yet) the Facebook Fan Page.

For those who submitted suggestions, please let me know if you’d like me to list your website, blog, or Twitter page or use an alias instead. Contact info can be found in the “About” section of the aforementioned Facebook Fan Page.

Submitted by A. Micak.

Submitted by J. Zezima.

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Submitted by C. Camel.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

“It wasn’t me” – J. Gorman

“What’s Chuck Norris doing here?” – M. Altimari

“What? American commandos invading during my pig roast?” – E. Ritter

“You won this round Waldo.” – J. Phillips

?”At least let me finish shaving my other leg, come on!!” – M. Jennings

“Who is it? Not more Mormons?!” – J. OByrn

“I finally get my virgins!” – R. Phelan

“I always thought the little mermaid was good looking!” – S. Capobianco
“I never really liked Dr. Pepper!” – S. Capobianco

“Hide and Go Seek Champion of the World, bitches.”  – S. Bawden

“I knew Jack Bauer was real.” – B. Laird

“Bring on the slutty virgins!!” – B. Walker

“I do believe in fairies , I do believe in Fairies, I do , I do…” – B. Laird

With the recent trailer for the new ThunderCats TV series recently released, there is a nostalgic buzz of excitement in the air for us 8os kids, who grew up with original ThunderCats and also, for the younger generation, who are excited about cat-people kicking ass.  But not everyone is excited about the new series. The Humane Society has some serious concerns of what this could mean for household cats.

At a Hoboken, New Jersey animal shelter, Wayne Pacelle, Humane Society CEO, had this to say: “We saw this back when The Ninja Turtles were popular. Kids buy pet turtles, dress them up in ninja attire, and crazy glue nunchucks to their feet. It’s animal cruelty, plain and simple. Now we’re concerned kids will do the same to their pet cats.”

Asked if this was The Humane Society’s only concern regarding The ThunderCats, Pacelle sighed, and shook his head, no. “Ok, imagine this is your cat,” said Pacelle, picking up Samuel, an orange tabby from the shelter. “Now imagine your teenage son is watching ThunderCats and he sees the catgirl, Cheetara, prancing around in her little cute orange outfit. Look at her. Even I’d consider hitting that. Tell me you wouldn’t. No? Really? You’re a filthy rat faced liar. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, but it’s true. Anyway, your son is getting aroused by the half-cat half-human bombshell and at such a confusing age, isn’t quite sure if it’s the human parts he likes about her or the cat parts. Little Samuel strolls by, rubbing up against my–I mean, your son’s–leg. You can guess what happens next. It’s not pretty.”

Pacelle was then asked how the new ThunderCats was any sexier than the old one, and shown the above picture from the old ThunderCats cartoon.  “It’s not,” he replied, “I think there are already a lot of very confused adults tainted by ThunderCats in the 80s, which is why we’re concerned about this show being rebooted. Look at that picture? Can you imagine if Cheetara came strolling into your bedroom just wearing a belt? God, that would be so hot.”

At this point, Pacelle wiped the sweat from his brow and, reportedly stroked Samuel harder and faster before continuing. “There IS a difference between now and then and the difference is that nowadays cosplay is bridging the gap between animation and reality. It’s only a matter of time before an attractive woman dresses up like Cheetara and further confuses both children AND adults, making me–THEM! Not me. Them –Making them more likely to take out their sexual frustration on their pet cat. It’s basic psychology people.”

Within moments, a journalist approached Pacelle and with his iPhone, showed Pacelle the below picture. Pacelle, seemingly stunned for a moment, took Samuel the cat in one hand, and with the other hand did what one onlooker described as “an attempt to subdue his boner” and upon failing in this attempt, left hastily.

Pacelle has since tendered his resignation. Samuel was never returned to the shelter.