Category Archives: News

Why Rubik’s Cubes are for Assholes

Why Rubik’s Cubes are for Assholes

I used to love Rubik’s Cubes. Puzzles are sweet. But each encounter I had with the owner of a cube taught me otherwise. Rubik’s Cubes, my friends, are for assholes. Here’s why. 1. It’s a trap! Owners of the colorful cubes usually keep it on full display, probably next to other douchey items, with an… Continue Reading

Doctor Stripped of License After Misdiagnosing Cancer as a Case of the Mondays

Doctor Stripped of License After Misdiagnosing Cancer as a Case of the Mondays

AURORA, Illinois – Dr. Arnold Schneider was stripped of his medical license after misdiagnosing lung cancer as a case of the Mondays. When long time patient Darlene Hammond went to Dr. Schneider complaining of tightness in her chest, shortness of breath, and repeated bouts of bronchitis, Dr. Schneider chuckled and told her to “quit her… Continue Reading

Gallup Poll: 32% of Americans Think Independence Day is Honoring the 1996 Will Smith Movie

Gallup Poll: 32% of Americans Think Independence Day is Honoring the 1996 Will Smith Movie

A recent Gallup poll, asking American citizens why they celebrate the 4th of July, has revealed that a whopping 32% thought it was to honor the 1996 blockbuster Will Smith movie, Independence Day. In this film aliens invade, Will Smith kicks alien ass, the end. This alien ass-kicking, of course, occurs on July 4th. Independence… Continue Reading

iPhones Give You Hemorrhoids

iPhones Give You Hemorrhoids

I bet the title of this article has Apple fan boys angry and Apple haters licking their chops at the opportunity to arm themselves with anti-Apple ammo. Truth is, all smartphones can lead you down the path to butt hurt, but putting “iPhone” in the title has a way of grabbing more attention and this… Continue Reading