Celebrity Deaths: Announce How Little You Care or Not?

RIP, #RIP

Whenever a beloved celebrity dies, a wave of emotion flows through social media news feeds, drowning all other content in its wake. Tortured Tweets, comments of condolences, solemn Snapchats and hashtagged ARE EYE PEES litter sites as people pretend to give a shit, jump on the latest trend, and feign being worldly as they read the deceased’s Wikipedia page to find out who the hell that person was and why her death is cluttering up every social media site. Stick with me on this one.

The Gift of Zero Fucks

I’d like to state that I give 122/2-61 fucks (that’s zero for those with arithmophobia) about whichever celebrity just died. How long can a global hug, pat on the back, and shoulder cry even last? Cyber tissues for everyone. We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to mourn the loss of someone we’ve never met and was probably a terrible human being in his personal life.

My statement is a rally cry to others who don’t care. Join me. A call to my fellow selfish assholes to unite against … wait, what awful cause are we uniting against?

The Gift of Some Fucks

Some people–no–many people truly give fucks. There is an actual struggle to deal with the loss of someone who provided inspiration, motivation, or just made people feel something at some point in their lives. Is that so hard to believe?

For those who DO care, there’s solace in seeing you aren’t alone in mourning. There’s relief in sharing thoughts and feelings with others, whether it’s people you know or strangers on the internet. Group therapy without leaving your computer. Lazy, but effective, like overweight baseball players.

If an influential celebrity dies and you don’t give a shit, that’s okay, but you don’t need to post that anywhere, it’s a kick in the junk to those who do give a shit. Shut up and let them cope in whatever way they need to. Don’t be a prick. keep calm and scroll on–no wait–rock and scroll….never mind, it sounded better in my head.

Celebrity deaths: announce if you don’t care or no? The answer is no. Shut up and keep your opinion to yourself for a day. This isn’t the same as announcing you don’t care about a popular sporting event (how dare you hate on the Brier!), this is a human life, a person who affected millions of people. No need to join on the #RIP parade, but let this one go. Tomorrow you can return to trolling comment sections, hating on people’s sexual preferences, and promoting a moronic politician with a last name that rhymes with dump. I promise.

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