There Can Be More Than One: More Highlander Positions Open


There can only be one…Is no longer the Highlander motto. The workload for the current Highlander is simply too high, creating a need for not one, not two, but now three Highlander positions.

Originally, in order to obtain the title of Highlander, immortals battled each other in ritual single combat to the death, with the last immortal standing obtaining “The Prize” and becoming the one true Highlander.

From a hiring process, this created some problems though.

Former Highlander, Duncan MacLeod, now Director of Talent Acquisition, explains, “The job performance test we used to evaluate our candidates, that is, a duel to the death, was not only eliminating those unqualified for the position, but also destroying the Highlander applicant pool completely. We at Highlander Inc. never considered the fact that both the second and third remaining immortals would probably perform at a high level in the Highlander position as well. On top of that, some continuing education classes and the proper mentoring could have taken some of the lower tier candidates to higher levels.”

Of course, under current hiring practices, the second and third best candidates as well as those lower tier candidates will never have the chance to reapply as they were beheaded during the hiring process. With Highlander Inc. looking to expand their business, murdering their best potential future employees is not the best business tactic.

With “experience in beheading immortals” being a minimum qualification of a prospective Highlander, there is concern that this is attracting too many terribly evil candidates. This selection process has drawn a lot of negative attention and is said to be both unethical and immoral by the Council Against Immoral Immortals.

Furthermore, while “The Prize” has some advantages, it also makes an immortal mortal and allows the Highlander to grow old and have children. While growing old and having children could be seen as a blessing to some, many others see this as a less than attractive benefits package. Highlander Inc. is looking to upgrade its dental package, provide more vacation days, and add free coffee in the break room. They are also aware their gym, which consists only of an old stationary bike, falls short of Highlander expectations.

Highlander Inc. is looking for hardworking, ambitious candidates who are seasoned in combat, have good communication skills, are immortal, have a high school diploma or GED equivalent, and are also proficient in both Microsoft Word and Excel.

Highlander Inc. is holding a press conference next week where they are expected to announce their new motto: There can only be some.

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