Despite the host’s inclusion of six different craft beers, a fully stocked bar cart, a regulation sized beer pong table (complete with hilarious house rules), a 60-inch television airing the big game, and music a popular website described as “fresh,” it took only 23 minutes before several members of the 30 plus party crowd discussed, in great detail, their “beautiful hardwood floors.”
The highlight of the night, which the host imagined would be a dance-off of epic proportions to celebrate the conclusion of the thrilling beer pong tournament, turned out to be Sabrina Garrett’s hardwood floor story, in which she and her hubby tore up the carpet in the living room only to discover “beautiful hardwood floors” underneath. Sabrina’s story garnered more than a few nods, semi-sincere smiles, and at least one congratulatory handshake.
The party’s downward spiral continued when Douglas “Doug” Campbell convinced the already defeated host to throw on the new U2 album, followed by The Best of Coldplay; music known only to encourage hardwood floor conversations.
With Coldplay’s hit song, Yellow, barely audible in the background, the guests trickled out the front door just after 10:30pm. Thanking the host while stifling yawns, the party goers waved their goodbyes, still debating whether red oak was more durable than maple. As the final guest exited, he turned and remarked, “Be careful when you fold up that beer pong table, you wouldn’t want to scratch those beautiful hardwood floors.”