Brooklyn, NEW YORK – Hours after Miley Cyrus mopped the MTV VMAs’ stage with her tongue and buffed Robin Thicke’s junk with her ass, in what Marilyn Manson has dubbed “The most disturbing human act [he] has ever seen,” an exorcist was sent to Miley’s hotel room in an attempt to cleanse her of her demons.
While her family has argued about whether her actions were demon-like or merely just a bout of Twerking Gene Simmons disease, they agreed an exorcism was the best course of action. The results of the exorcism are unknown, but unconfirmed sources are saying when the priest asked her to stop twerking, her terrifying response was: “We can’t stop.”
CNN reported that during the performance, Miley’s father, Billy Ray Cyrus, suffered a mild achy-breaky heart attack.
The media, on the other hand, is fiercely debating whether this incident is worse than Kanye West’s tirade during Taylor Swift’s award acceptance speech in 2009. The battle is being called The Jerk vs. The Twerk. In all of this discussion, the psychological effect this performance had on Robin Thicke seems to have been overlooked. Minutes after the performance, cameras caught a glimpse of Robin Thicke lying in the fetal position on the floor backstage while Macklemore tried to comfort him.
In a bizarre twist of events, Churches are urging fans to destroy Miley Cyrus albums, while Satanists are buying up every single copy of her discography. Either way, if there’s a party in the USA, parents are encouraging teens to stay home.
The closing question for today is…