He-Man Not a Master of the Universe, Merely Has Bachelor’s Degree

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Castle Grayskull, ETERNIA – It appears, He-Man, the man everyone assumed to be a Master of the Universe never actually finished grad school.

“Guys, gimme a break. I mean, It’s not a complete lie, I finished the course work, but never got around to completing my thesis,” exclaimed He-Man, back peddling nervously amongst a sea of reporters outside of Castle Grayskull.

There are questions as to how one of those most powerful men in the universe could drop out of grad school. One of He-Man’s former professors, who preferred to remain anonymous, had this to say: “He-Man? Certainly a capable student, but lacked motivation. He always bragged he ‘had the power,’ but when deadlines rolled around, he was usually in the parking lot getting crunk with Orko and Stinkor or tanning at the beach with Mer-man.”

Many are wondering why He-Man’s former employers never did a thorough educational background check. “When a half-naked, juiced up dude, wielding a big ass sword, and riding a ferocious green tiger says he completed his Masters, you take his word for it,” said director of HR at Eternia Livestock Co., Man-At-Farms.

After checking in with Eternia University, we discovered there wasn’t and never has been a Masters program specializing in Universes. When asked about this, He-Man reluctantly came clean. “Okay okay, it wasn’t a Masters of the Universe program, it was Masters in Astronomy. Astronomy gives you no swagger, so I tweaked it a bit,” said He-man, wiping the sweat from this brow. “Isn’t there more important news for you guys to worry about? I mean, go bug my sister about the sex tape she made with Hordak. Geez, where is the valet with Battle Cat?”

He-man did successfully obtain a Bachelor of Arts degree in Geography.

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  • http://thenonreview.com/ TS Hendrik

    I think the idea of a valet checking his Battle Cat is just about the funniest thing ever. That says you’d think the university would be proud of his achievements bestow an honorary masters upon him.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      The lesson here is to never check your Battle Cat. Never.

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