Tour de France Leader Refuses to Wear Yellow Jersey: “Pat on the Back Will Suffice”

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Montpellier, FRANCE – Australia’s Daryl Impey, the current leader after 6 stages of the Tour de France, refuses to wear the coveted Yellow Jersey. After obtaining the lead following a grueling ride from Aix-en-Provence to Montpellier, he was handed the dripping wet yellow jersey from Orica Greenedge teammate Simon Gerrans.

“Really?” He asked, taking the jersey from Gerrans as if he were being handed a soiled diaper. “Couldn’t we at least get this thing washed first? Maybe throw it in some water with some Tide, this is disgusting. And, no offense Simon, this jersey is all stretched out. This isn’t going to fit right at all.”

In the history of the Tour de France, no cyclist has refused the much desired yellow jersey. The Tour de France officials were stunned. Looking at each other in hopes a solution would magically surface.

“I don’t mean to forsake tradition, but I think a pat on the back, and a ‘good job, mate’ will suffice. I assumed when the jersey was delivered it would be cleaned, dried, and folded neatly,” Impey said shaking his head. “I have a yellow-ish t-shirt I can wear in the next stage if that’s cool. I mean, it was a white shirt, but you know, it has kind of yellowed over the years, but it’s clean and it fits.”

  • DumbFunnery

    By the looks of his pose, this guy has a future in advertising the shake weight.

    (I’m making this comment because … 1, it’s true … 2, I know nothing about cycling and 3, it looks like you wrote this a loooong while ago. I’m a slow reader?)

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