SPOILER ALERT: 7 Reasons People Love to Play the Role of Spoiler

#1 Spite. Sometimes people don’t like you and they wish you were dead. Other times, people don’t like you and they only wish to spoil the end of Twilight for you. How dare you give away that Jacob has better abs than Edward! I wanted to find that out for myself.

#2. Once spoiled, the topic is no longer taboo. In a group setting, one person not being privy to crucial information might make the topic of such information taboo. So trying to have a group conversation about the season finale of Dexter will lead that one person to cover his ears and say repeatedly, “Lalalalalala,” causing a group conversation about that episode rather difficult. However, once the all powerful Ear-Covering-Lala barrier has been shattered and it has been revealed to that one person that Dexter’s plane crashes on a magical tropical island inhabited by polar bears in the finale, the subject has been breached and is now open for discussion.

#3. People feel important when they know something you don’t and in order to prove their importance they will lean over and whisper in your ear, “Bruce Willis’s character is actually dead” and ruin the whole goddamn movie.

#4 Payback. Remember when you blurted out to Jim how Hank Moody gets drunk/high and sleeps with some chick in Californication, essentially giving away the plot of almost every single episode? Well, Jim wasn’t thrilled about that. Now Jim is going to give away the climactic plot twist in Star Wars where Darth Vader reveals that he used to change Luke’s diaper. Uh oh!

#5 Moronosity. Most people are dumb. Take you for example. Just kidding, if you’re reading and enjoying this website than clearly your IQ must be at least 80 or 90. Anyway, some people are dumb and spoil things because of this dumbness. Shit happens, right? And you’ll explain to them that “shit happens” while you pee in their bowl of Cheerios.

Moronosity is too a word!

#6. Accidents happen. Everyone has spoiled something for someone at some point and sometimes it’s not a case of being dumb, it’s simply an innocent mistake. Just be careful not to be the spoiler on a regular basis or you’ll find out soon enough that your face is becoming a fist magnet.

#7. People cannot keep secrets. You know how everyone knows about your brief phase of sexually experimenting with goats even though the only person who knew was sworn to secrecy? Whether the secret is your strange attraction to muscular goats or the identity of Keyser Söze in The Usual Suspects, people love to blab.

Did I miss any reasons? Feel free to add your own reasons in the comments section below.

  • Look if this is because I ruined the ending of My Little Pony’s Rainbow Dance Party 6, I’m sorry. I don’t know how many more times I can apologize for that.

    • No apology will ever make it right.

    • What shocks me is Camel didn’t know the ending of that movie even though he was in it.

      But I guess he’s one of those that just hones in on his scene.

  • I sometimes hate them but like them too! Sometimes we want to be ahead of others and don’t want to wait.

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