Movember Winners and Losers

In what might be attributed to trying to keep their upper lip warm in the cold Canadian winter, Canadians have raised far more than any other country in Movember 2011 by pulling in over $33 million in the fight against prostate cancer. In second place, the Movember inventing Aussies clocked in at over $22.5 million while the U.S. managed to raise $12 million, which reportedly was raised solely by the mighty Tom Selleck. Tom’s hoping to team up with Wilford Brimley next year to double that amount.

Here, we list the Movember winners and losers.

Movember Winners

14. November, because Movember makes November THAT much better.

13. Those tiny scissors with the wonky curve in your bathroom drawer, who finally got some use.

12. That mole on your upper lip that Movember showed you how to cover up.

11. Your fingertips, who enjoyed stroking that beautiful ‘stache constantly.

10. DVD sales for Magnum PI.

9. You, for having great times growing a mustache.

8. Male bonding, as Movember allowed strangers everywhere to bond over their mutual mustache.

7. Your razor, who got a well needed rest before the holiday season.

6. Small talk, because Movember gave everyone something to talk about.

5. Your friends, who got to laugh at your face on a daily basis.

4. Real men, who got to demonstrate their manliness by growing a majestic broom under their nose.

3. Perverts, who had a whole month of blending in with the crowd.

2. The fight against the very cruel and evil prostate cancer.

1. Ladies everywhere.

Movember Losers

12. Remembrance Day, that became more about remembering it’s time to grow a mustache than remember the mustaches soldiers who fought so bravely for our freedom.

11. Creamy soups, that got lost in your face-sponge.

10. Every man who didn’t participate in Movember, and got hassled for it and will live with regret for a whole year.

9. Your razor, who dreaded the day he would have to tear down the mighty forest north of your lips.

8. Your friends, who had to look at disgusting close-up pictures of your molester-like ‘stache on Facebook.

7. Women who received pledges for their mustache.

6. Wives and Girlfriends, who have been kissing sandpaper for the last month.

5. You, for having to look at yourself in the mirror for thirty days and see the patchy, ugly, itchy caterpillar nuzzling on your upper lip.

4. Married Movember men, who have seen a steady decline in their sex life.

3. Your mother, who hated the ‘stache since day one.

2. Full-time mustache growers, who were laughed at mistakenly by people thinking their duster was for Movember only.

1. Ladies everywhere.

Follow CC on ...