Rod Stewart’s Hair Must Die

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and Rod Stewart’s I-just-got-struck-by-lightning hair style. Rod Stewart has found the fountain of youth and, for some reason, only washes his hair in it. There are other qualities of his that are worthy of hate and scorn, but my loathing is focused solely on the satanic weeds growing out of the top of his head. Man, I would pay a king’s ransom to have someone scalp him.

You might be thinking you’ve seen worse haircuts on people like Justin Bieber, Carrot Top, or the guy from Prodigy, and I believe you, really. I’ve seen worse haircuts too. But like death, famine, pestilence and war, Rod’s haircut is ever present in our world.

Never disappearing, never even fading, his hair is a model of persistence, and proof of the devil’s existence. Rod’s bad hair has been around since the dawn of time and I believe the Bible is referring to Rod Stewart’s hair when it speaks of original sin. I can’t even remember a time when his demonic hair wasn’t plaguing our Earth, and I for one want a world free of his hair.

Pray, wish, and beg your God or gods for Rod Stewart’s hair to be vanquished. Do a tribal dance, channel the dead, or take matters into your own hands. By whatever means necessary, Rod Stewart’s hair MUST DIE.

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