I Will Never Watch Dexter

If one more person asks me if I watch Dexter I’m going to lose my shit. It seems like every day some asshole comes by and says, “Hey, do you watch Dexter?” or “Did you watch Dexter last night?” or “Blah bloo blah blippity blah Dexter?”

My answer now, and until the end of time is no.

They usually respond with, “You should. It’s a great show.”

You don’t say. Thanks. You’re the first person to tell me that in the last 9 minutes. Your recommendation was the one I needed to get me off the fence and into DexterLand. I’ll buy all the seasons (right this second!), do a marathon to catch up, and then we can gab about Dexter’s exploits on our cellular telephones. Soon after, when I become a True Dexter Fanatic, we can start up a Dexter blog where all we discuss are all things Dexter. You’ll want to call the blog Dexter-ity or Dexter-ous, but that’s cheesy and stupid, so we’ll call it All Things Dexter because that’s what we discuss on our blog.

Ok, let me take a deep breath, relax, and explain my anger a bit.

I do not live under a TV-less rock, I have heard of Dexter, I have heard it is like OMG-holy-shit-awesome and I have no doubt I would enjoy it if I watched it. But perhaps I refuse to watch it to spite the Dexter Cultists knocking on my door, whispering in my ear, and leaving flyers in my mailbox, or maybe it’s because I can’t watch every single goddamn TV series ever created and I’ve made my choice to watch re-runs of The Golden Girls instead and I will live very happily with that choice.

Some of you are probably thinking, I don’t care that you don’t want to watch Dexter, and that’s exactly what I want people to think so I can stop hearing about it. Stop caring if I watch it, please. Let me be, I beg you. I will learn to deal with the Dexter-shaped hole in my soul.

In all honesty, I don’t mind people recommending TV shows, but I’ve heard more than enough about Dexter and baby, it ain’t happening.

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