The Joy and Pain of Turning 30 Years Old

If I hear the term “dirty-thirty” again I’m going to puke. Just because it rhymes, doesn’t mean we have to say it all the time. Besides, I showered this morning. I’m clean.

So with that said, this Saturday I’ll be putting my 20s behind me and moving on to a new chapter in my life. I have a few gray hairs, I shave the back of my ears once every couple of weeks, and I constantly battle nose hairs that, when untamed, can be used as dental floss. But all in all, aging isn’t so bad yet. I still have a full head of hair, don’t require glasses for anything, no back or knee ailments, and I keep my self in relatively good shape. Also, no cavities.

So how will I ever deal with the big three-oh? Tequila. Yes sir. But to be fair, I have tequila on my birthday every year. Tequila and fun are synonyms in my book. It’s when tequila isn’t present on my birthday that I’ll know old age is creeping in. Every year I throw a big party for myself because we only get so many birthdays and I want to make sure all my favorite people are there to celebrate it with me. Don’t wait for anyone else to make your birthday. Do it yourself and you’ll almost never be disappointed.

People ask, “How does it feel to be turning 30?” and my answer has been, “Fine, I guess. It’s just a number.” However, the closer I get to the big day, the more I take stock of the things I have and haven’t accomplished. I mean, I never actually beat Super Mario Brothers, which is a huge disappointment, but on the bright side, I’ve beaten Super Mario 2 and 3 countless times. So it’s not a total loss, right? We can’t always focus on the negatives. Besides, I didn’t own Super Mario Brothers so … there!

Expectations of my 30s

In my early 20s I expected a lot of things to be different by time I was 30.  I expected more. For instance, I expected to be behind the wheel of a flying car on my way to visit the cloned dinosaur zoo. That hasn’t happened. I’m not sure if it ever will. My dreams crushed like an Air Corolla under the unforgiving foot of a tyrannosaurus rex. Life is rough.

The question of “What’s next for me?” seems to surface a lot during long sleepless nights. Ambition is important. The answer, time and time again, is that what’s next is a really great tattoo with a powerful slogan that represents who I am and what I stand for. That’s never a bad idea.

The urge to regress to my youth and do something stupid is stronger than it’s ever been, and if you know me, it’s an urge that’s always been there. For instance, I have a desire to eat a whole row of Oreo cookies and wash it down with a large bottle of Coke while sitting around in underwear. Why would I fight these urges? WHY!?!

The truth is, life is A-OK. Things are good. I have some plans, you know, some schemes. Could life be better? Life could always be better. It’s when we stop striving for more that we end up unhappy. With that in mind, I think I’ll eat two rows of Oreo cookies instead of just one.

Aging: don’t over think it, but definitely enjoy it.

What are your thoughts on being in your 30s (whether you’re not there yet, you’re there now, or you were there before)?

  • 30? Dude, you are so old now. Not having Super Mario Brothers is no excuse for never beating it. I can whip that puppy like that (you should imagine a snap to go with ‘that’).

    • You shouldn’t whip puppies.

  • SNAP! I’m way behind – congrats on the big bday! You should do a top 10 types of puke I’ve puked on my bdays list (tequila is my enemy …).

    Also that was a pretty awesome post. I enjoy sincerity/weirdness. And oreos.

    Belated happy bday!!

    • Thanks man. I’m pretty good at not puking as long as I stick to my “no whiskey” rule. That shit is the devil.

  • I turn 27 in august and i plan to host a middle-school dance themed party. That is, a bunch of me and my guy friends standing around pretending to be too busy to talk to girls. It’ll be a blast.

    • Hands in pocket, glancing over to the female corner, wishing they’d ask YOU to dance. Ha, love those parties.

  • MissListMaker

    Think you might relate to some of this http://listsonthenothernline.blogspot.com/2012/03/being-30-means.html

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