With the recent trailer for the new ThunderCats TV series recently released, there is a nostalgic buzz of excitement in the air for us 8os kids, who grew up with original ThunderCats and also, for the younger generation, who are excited about cat-people kicking ass. But not everyone is excited about the new series. The Humane Society has some serious concerns of what this could mean for household cats.
At a Hoboken, New Jersey animal shelter, Wayne Pacelle, Humane Society CEO, had this to say: “We saw this back when The Ninja Turtles were popular. Kids buy pet turtles, dress them up in ninja attire, and crazy glue nunchucks to their feet. It’s animal cruelty, plain and simple. Now we’re concerned kids will do the same to their pet cats.”
Asked if this was The Humane Society’s only concern regarding The ThunderCats, Pacelle sighed, and shook his head, no. “Ok, imagine this is your cat,” said Pacelle, picking up Samuel, an orange tabby from the shelter. “Now imagine your teenage son is watching ThunderCats and he sees the catgirl, Cheetara, prancing around in her little cute orange outfit. Look at her. Even I’d consider hitting that. Tell me you wouldn’t. No? Really? You’re a filthy rat faced liar. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, but it’s true. Anyway, your son is getting aroused by the half-cat half-human bombshell and at such a confusing age, isn’t quite sure if it’s the human parts he likes about her or the cat parts. Little Samuel strolls by, rubbing up against my–I mean, your son’s–leg. You can guess what happens next. It’s not pretty.”
Pacelle was then asked how the new ThunderCats was any sexier than the old one, and shown the above picture from the old ThunderCats cartoon. “It’s not,” he replied, “I think there are already a lot of very confused adults tainted by ThunderCats in the 80s, which is why we’re concerned about this show being rebooted. Look at that picture? Can you imagine if Cheetara came strolling into your bedroom just wearing a belt? God, that would be so hot.”
At this point, Pacelle wiped the sweat from his brow and, reportedly stroked Samuel harder and faster before continuing. “There IS a difference between now and then and the difference is that nowadays cosplay is bridging the gap between animation and reality. It’s only a matter of time before an attractive woman dresses up like Cheetara and further confuses both children AND adults, making me–THEM! Not me. Them –Making them more likely to take out their sexual frustration on their pet cat. It’s basic psychology people.”
Within moments, a journalist approached Pacelle and with his iPhone, showed Pacelle the below picture. Pacelle, seemingly stunned for a moment, took Samuel the cat in one hand, and with the other hand did what one onlooker described as “an attempt to subdue his boner” and upon failing in this attempt, left hastily.
Pacelle has since tendered his resignation. Samuel was never returned to the shelter.