21 Signs You’re Addicted to Coffee

I remember when coffee is what you drank when you wanted to stay up all night to cram for an exam, or something you sipped on with dessert. I remember when coffee is what you endured just to chase away an evil midweek hangover or make yourself look like more of an adult. Times have changed.

Here are 21 signs you are a coffee junkie:

1. You tell your friends what a great night’s sleep you had…while you’re in line to get a grande coffee from Starbucks.

2. After a day without coffee you’re bombarded with headaches or worse, migraines.

3. You praise the coffee’s power to keep your bowel movements on a precise schedule.

4. You say things like, “you don’t want to talk to me until I’ve had my morning coffee.”

5. You’ve become friends with the cashier at your favorite coffee place.

6. When you say you need a coffee, you say it like it’s a matter of life or death.

7. Even after 8-10 hours of sleep, you can’t drag yourself out of bed in the morning.

8. You consider a large (or venti) coffee to be the equivalent of one cup of coffee. News flash, it’s 2.5 cups.

9. You hate camping because it’s too difficult to get a decent cup of joe in the morning.

10. You’re dating the barista just to get free espressos.

11. You arrive at parties with a six pack in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other.

12. You’ve considered buying or already own a t-shirt with some cheesy saying on it, like “my blood type is coffee.”

13. You constantly engage in lengthy debates about which coffee place has the “best” coffee.

14. You have coffee breath all the time.

15. You married the barista so you could get great coffee at home.

16. You have a preference for which country your beans come from.

17. You’re drinking a coffee right now.

18. You work at a coffee house just for the free coffee.

19. You always carry a coffee thermos or travel mug with you.

20. You know the difference between a caffè macchiato and a latte macchiato

21. You named your pet or child Java.

  • Anonymous

    are you implying that someone in our office is severely addicted to coffee? lol!

    • I’d say there’s more than one, but yes, one is definitely drinking a few more than others and without the least sign of pep. If I drank that much coffee I’d be doing backflips everywhere I went.

  • 22. You can come up with 21 signs that you’re an addict without an intervention.

    I don’t drink the stuff myself but I certainly recognize many of these symptoms in others.

    • I have one or two a week. Can’t stand being chemically reliant on anything but booze.

  • Great stuff man! I can definitely relate to a few too many of those. Which got me thinking… The next step is to come up with a dependency scale depending on how many signs you strongly relate to. For example:
    10-15 – great you’ve memorized the names of all the coffees, now please stop repeating them endlessly.
    15-20 – the jitters stopped being cute and you’re sweating an awful lot…
    21+ – really you married her for the coffee?

    • I thought about doing something like that, but I didn’t. Next time, I promise.

  • Renee Phelan

    20 of them are me… #15 I take that my hubby brings me coffee to my bed side kinda like a barista?… I am an addict! I guess admitting it is the first step to recovery…
    I am going to go now & get some help…

    • Don’t worry, it’s not that bad of an addiction. It’s not crack or anything.

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