The Truth About the Soul Patch

*Like anything else, there are exceptions. Notably, Canadian icon, George Stroumboulopoulos.

A soul patch is that ugly tuft of hair that grows above your chin and under your lip. Legend has it that the soul patch covers (or patches) the hole from which your soul was extracted, which is why most people with soul patches are soulless bastards.

TRUTH

  • 99% of all soul patchers are douchebags, not because of the soul patch, but because douchebags, by design, have incredibly powerful urges to grow that little bastardy tuft of hair right under their lip. So if you have one, be careful, because some people might be under the assumption you’re a douchebag even if you’re not.
  • The soul patch is evil manifesting itself into facial hair!
  • The only people who should have soul patches are talent agents, baseball pitchers,  grungy musicians, and those who are active in the art of douchebaggery.
  • Like the Hitler mustache is associated with Hitler, the soul patch is synonymous with being a douchebag. I can’t stress this enough.
  • People, especially your girlfriend, wife, or mother, will try to tear the soul patch off of your face.
  • The soul patch can often be seen co-mingling with lightning shaped sideburns.
  • Patches are for elbows, knees, and flat tires, not your face.

EXCEPTIONS

  • A soul patch in conjunction with any other type of beard or thick stubble is acceptable and is NOT a sign of being a douche. It’s not even a real soul patch.
  • If you’re covering up a scar, mole, or other facial deformity, like a baby toe growing out from under your lip. It happens, it really does.
  • There are some great people who have soul patches! Heck, any CorruptCamel.com reader with a soul patch has gotta be a great guy, right? RIGHT?

The exceptions are few and far between, so shave the soul patch before the soul patch engulfs your heart, mind, chin, and of course, soul.

  • Irishboy33

    I have issues with your 99% douchebag statement…I have one because I have a nasty little scar under there from a hockey puck to the face.

    • You have a soul spot (it’s groomed properly), usually accompanied by a fair amount of stubble (light beard), you are a corruptcamel.com reader sometimes, and are in no way a douchebag, which makes you more than eligible for the exception. Look under the post picture and you’ll see Canadian Hero George Stromboulopoulis as an exception as well.

      I was actually thinking about you when I wrote the exceptions part. No joke.

      • On top of that, I’ll add an exception for scar coverage.

  • So, then my question is, were the 90’s largely douchey? Cause it seems to me like there was a peak of soul patches during that decade.

    • That was just grunge influence. Musicians often have soul patches so it’s a toss up as to whether they’re douches or not.

  • I’m learning so much.
    Beards, check.
    Soul patches, check.
    Now where do we stand on mutton chops?

    • Mutton chops are funny, so I’m okay with them. Mutton chops is fun to say too.

  • Anna makes a good point.

    Also even if you have a scar, why not just grow out more facial hair? Why stop at the patch?

    • Because the patch has “patch” right in the name. Its original use was patching spots, holes, and wounds.

  • I like scars. (Rapidly raising my eyebrows.)

  • Pamela Hagedorn

    My husband has a soul patch and I think he looks awesome with it and he is NOT a douchbag. I wish God would have made more men like him.

  • asmj

    THANK YOU!!!!

    This finally explains my sudden and unstoppable urge to grow so called soul patch!

    😛

  • Liam

    I got one, but I’m a douchebag so… Yay?

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