How and When to Kick a Man in the Nuts

So you want to kick someone in the nuts? Great, here are the ground rules.

Man Kicking Man

There is a code among men: you never ever kick a man in the nuts. It’s cheap, it’s dirty and just plain cruel. But wait, there are exceptions to this rule.

1. The other man is brandishing a weapon. Because he has already chosen to fight dirty, it’s okay for you to resort to crushing his testicles with your foot.

2. You are outnumbered. If a fight is not one on one, that’s cheap. Feel free to unleash your foot into the nutular area.

3. Your target has already kicked you in the nuts. By kicking you in the nuts, this man has changed the rules. Destroy his balls if you want to.

4. Your adversary has slept with, hit, held hostage, kidnapped or harmed your girlfriend or wife. If someone messes with your woman, they do not care about the man code. Decrease their likelihood of impregnating a woman by sending your foot into his scrotum if you want.

5.  You and your opponent have agreed to a ball-kicking duel. Why you’re doing this is beyond me, but if you both consent to it, have fun.

NOTE: While the situations above allow for you to kick your opponent in the nutters, a punch to the face is so much cooler (click here if you want to learn how to punch someone in the face). You’d never see Ivan Drago kick anyone in the nuts, that’s for sure.

Woman Kicking Man

Women, you do not have balls and, thus, do not understand how much it hurts to have them contused. If possible, never ever kick a man in the nuts unless you have to. Here are some situations where it’s okay to sent the pointed toe of your boot into a man’s genitals.

1. Exceptions 1,2 and 4 that apply to men, apply to women too. Numbers 3 and 5 don’t apply because, as already mentioned, you do not have testicles.

2. If your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you, it’s most likely his genitals that are to blame. Punish them with your foot.

3. If a man intentionally tries to physically hurt you, it’s okay to kick them in the nuts. Men are generally (but not always) stronger than women, and that’s an unfair advantage. A man should never physically hurt a woman, but if he tries, feel free to propel your stiletto into his nutsack.

How to Kick a Man in the Nuts

Again, I can’t stress this enough, only kick someone in the nuts when it’s absolutely necessary. It really really really hurts. If you do kick a dude in the nuts, here’s how to go about it:

1. Locate target. Usually, testicles are located between someone’s legs at the peak of the inverted ‘V’ formed by his legs. It’s safe to assume this as it would be more than surprising if your opponent’s balls were located in his armpit.

2. If time allows for it and your foe deserves it, feel free to take a running start.

3. Pull your leg back. Imagine you’re kicking a soccer ball. The farther you pull your leg back the harder the impact is going to be. Be warned that pulling your leg back too far might compromise your balance.

4. Propel your leg forward at maximum speed. Toe aimed at nuts.

5. Make contact with the testicles from below. The idea is to crush the nuts between your foot and the ceiling from which the ballsack is hanging.

6. Finish your opponent or run like hell. When your opponent is staggered or crumpled on the ground, you might hear a Mortal Kombat like voice in your head say, “Finish Him.” Finish him or run because chances are, if your opponent recovers from the nut kick, he will be enraged and wanting to destroy you.

There you have it folks. For all you jerks out there, you might want to start wearing a jock at all times.

  • renee

    Def. Nuts must be kicked in all cases of cheating

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      Probably more than once too

    • Bob

      I agree renee, you should kick him in the nuts for cheating or for anything he does to piss you off. This is an equalizer for any woman who feels threatened by a man or anytime some guy is bothering you and won’t stop when told to, kick him hard and put him down so he will remember it for the rest of his life. If you miss and you can’t get another shot at his nuts kick him real hard in the knee cap and break his knee. He’ll get over a kick in the nuts in 5 or 10 minutes but he’ll be in a cast for a month if you break his knee. “There are no rules”,esp for a woman when she’s going against a man.

  • http://thenonreview.com TS Hendrik

    Do these same guidelines apply to kneeing someone in the tenders?

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      lol, yes same thing exactly… I think you just ruined chicken tenders for me.

  • http://DumbFunnery.com DumbFunnery

    the tenders … i may have to use it

    You captured all the legit reasons for junk-kickage … congratulations?? Remind me to be afraid of you.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      I don’t shake hands, I kick nuts.

  • Bob

    Ummm yeah…. You never have a right to kick someone in the balls for cheating. If the person cheated on you, you should just leave them because the person who cheated on you was unfaithful. The guy who slept with your girlfriend or your boyfriend who slept with another girl doesn’t deserve to be kicked in the balls.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      No sirree, Bob. Some people deserve a great big kick in the nuts. I hope it’s not me though, because man, that shit hurts, doesn’t it?

  • Bob

    There are “no rules” against kicking a guy in his balls, not for a woman or a man if it’s in a fight or if a man is bothering a woman and won’t stop when she tells him to. If I’m in a fight with another man I’m going to kick him in the nuts the first chance I get and if I miss I will keep trying until I do put him down with a hard kick and if he is protecting his nuts I will kick him in the knee cap and break his knee. There is no such thing as dirt fighting in a street fight. For woman it’s an equalizer and she should use it whenever she feels like it.

  • fred

    Hi. I’m allways ready like most wide awake men for a kick in the nuts!!! I’m a karate instructer. I once warn a lady student not to kick me there just to skow off. She then one day kicked me but missed because I fight sideways. I then in front of the class, broke her arm, leg and kicked her in the groin as well, she was in serious pain. The lesson don’t kick if it is really a must and rape situation etc. You could do it to someone like me and I will assume I must react in self defence, because this is serious!!!!

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      You showed her! Not sure I condone such a harsh reaction, but I’m sure she learned her lesson. Thanks for the comment, Hiiiiiiiiiiiii-ya!

    • Nadiav

      You are a douche and deserve to be kicked in the balls over and over

    • Dana Lee

      If in fact this happened, which I don’t believe, you would be arrested, lose your teaching license permanently. You have NO idea what Karate is about!

  • fred

    Yes. And to add to the lady that says she will grab my nuts and squeeze it for 20 seconds, surprise you will grap one second and I will use the other 19 seconds to send her to hospital. You must remember we will fight back and in self defence punch you as if we fighting a man

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      You are one serious badass.

      • fred

        Yes. I’m only ok with kicking nuts if you are weak and in selfdefence, to do that just to prove a woman can control a man or as a joke in front of friends then it becomes self defence . Then she will wake up in hospital as I done with the other girl in front of the class. Fred

  • Rick

    Excellent reasons fo a dude to kick a dude, but I think it’s also appropriate for guys just messin around. Most uf us have kicked our buddies’ junk just for the fun of it. It’s no big deal, and just part of being guys.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      That definitely happens all the time. I don’t think it’s appropriate, as it usually leads to a drawn out nut-kicking fiasco, but you’re right, it does happen.

    • Anonymous

      I like being kicked in the balls by other blokes

      • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

        haha, to each his own. You’re a braver man than I am.

    • Dana Lee

      You are a true lowlife idiot! No, most men are not as stupid and unsophisticated are you are! You make men look terrible!

  • fred

    Just to confirm,just kicked another lady in the groin, to see the pain on her face!!! She tried to kicked me in the nuts. You know it can carry on like this forever!! Ladies 9 out of 10 times you’re going to come second, till someone dies!! Self defence against a woman and remember in my country we are equaled so we will hit you like a man. Fred

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      Fred, you’re too funny. What country are you from?

  • Marko

    So it’s also ok for a man to beat the shit out of his woman if he finds out she’s cheated on him, right?

    Or to kick her as hard as he can between the legs, more than once, right?

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      It’s only ok if she’s Xena Warrior Princess kinda strong.

  • Kristen Whitley

    Just to confirm,just kicked another lady in the groin, to see the pain on her face!!!

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      Fred is a classy gentleman.

  • —————

    ill try this on the road bully(:

  • Vincentxj

     I got dared to let a girl kick me in the balls 20 times should i let her?

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