Funniest and Most Bizarre Charlie Sheen Quotes and Tweets

Charlie Sheen has become one crazy sonuvabitch recently and you know what? It is 100 times funnier and more entertaining than any episode of Two and a Half Men. We, the people, are loving every second of it. He’s been starting catch phrases such as “winning”, “tiger blood”, and “plan better” and he’s the fastest person to reach 1 million Twitter followers (follow him here). Let’s examine some of the verbal and written/Tweeted gems Mr. Sheen has bestowed on us and thank Jebus this man does not have the ability to keep his mouth shut.

  • “I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”
  • “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
  • “We work for the pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people.”
  • On being asked if he was bipolar, Sheen replied: “What does that mean? What’s the cure? Medicine? Make me like them: not gonna happen. I’m bi-winning. I win here. I win there.”
  • When asked about the possibility of a drug relapse: “No. Not going to. Period. The end. I blinked and I cured my brain.”
  • “I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get slaughtered. That’s where you get embarrassed in front of the prom queen.”
  • On why Two and a Half Men creator, Chuck Lorre, should be afraid: “Most of the time, and this includes naps, I’m an F18 bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground. There’s a new sheriff in town and he has an army of assassins.”
  • On challenge for Chuck Lorre to take Charlie Sheen on in a MMA brawl: “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”
  • On his day-to-day routine: “Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary.”On previous partying: “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them, just look like droopy-eyed, armless children.”
  • “Rhymes with winning? That would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules.”
  • “I’m so tired of pretending that my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’ and just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn.”
  • “I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets, and it’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee.”
  • “I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”
  • “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s, uh… maybe not from this terrestrial realm.”
  • “I am on a drug – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

BEST TWEETS

  • the title of my book has finally been delivered thru vast and extensive Lunar channels. “Apocalypse Me” Warlock Latin for WINNING. c
  • Ready for my next fastball, world? PLAN BETTER Applies to everything where an excuse now sits. Try it. U won’t be wrong. Ever. #PlanBetter
  • Face it folks, you just feel better when you say it. #WINNING
  • Just got invited to do the Nancy Grace show… I’d rather go on a long road trip with Chuck Lorre in a ’75 Pacer..
  • He had the Tigerblood… No doubt!! RT @Chupa72 The Babe’s finest year. The Bambino was a level 100 Warlock sir. #Tigerblood

BEST TWITPICS (pics that Charlie Sheen has Tweeted)

Winner..! 2012… #winner:

Winning..! Choose your Vice… #winning #chooseyourvice: (Sheen is seen here with 24 year old girlfriend, pornstar Bree Olson.)

Get’m while they’re hot..! #charliedog #tigerblood:

Still Winning..! Pong! #winning #tigerblood:

Thanks Charlie! You are one weird and funny individual.

  • I also like Sarah Silverman’s tweet:

    “Whining!” -Charlie Sheenstein

    • My favorite part is that it’s a shot at Sheen and yet he retweeted it! He IS a winner.

  • I don’t usually pay attention to celebrity madness but he has been freakin’ hilarious.

    • It’s really hard to ignore, and in this case, why would you want to? It’s gold.

  • your comment section is different for me now … if i wasn’t such a winner this might bother me.

    also winning is an amazing phrase. i’m going to a minor-league hockey game tonight and i have my fingers crossed that instead of a warm-up song it’ll just be charlie sheen quotes.

    • Yes, I’ve been tweaking the comment section. I enjoy the commentluv feature (which shows your most recent post under your comment), but am still working on making the comments section pretty like it was before.

      I think more people would go to minor hockey games if that were the case.

  • I started to watch his interview on 20/20 the other night and I just couldn’t take it. He is self destructing and all the world is watching. It is hilarious, but makes me cringe.

  • Well sure, if you focus on the fact that this is a human being who, for various reasons, is losing his mind, it’s a little less funny.

    BTW, I loved the commentluv feature on your blog so decided to use it myself, but I’m still a long way from making my comment section as nice as yours. Any tips?

  • Nice post, I really like the Twit Pics coupled with the quotes you picked. This story is getting more and more bizarre all the time. I find it particularly funny with all the T-shirts and other joke products. I even found a Charlie Sheen browser theme: http://thunderthemes.com/BT_ThemePage.php?themeid=226

    • Amazing! That definitely is a winning theme. Too funny.

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