Deadly Animals: 10 Amazing Facts About Raccoons

#1. The raccoon feeds on plants, animals and human faces. Especially yours. If your face is exposed, there’s a raccoon out there who wants to eat it.

#2. Male raccoons have a body length of 16 to 28 in. 60% of that is cock.

#3. Raccoons are born with the innate ability to kick your ass. Don’t doubt that for a second.

#4. The raccoon is usually nocturnal, because that’s when da parties be rockin’ yo.

#5. Breeding occurs mostly between the months of January and March, but getting down with da bitches happens 365 days a year.

#6. The average weight of a male raccoon is 12-20 pounds. 60% of that is cock.

#7. The male raccoon will mate with more than one female and will have no part in raising the young. I don’t even need to elaborate on that awesome fact.

#8. Molecular analysis indicates a close relationship between raccoons and bears. Visual analysis indicates an even closer relationship to Zorro. Raccoons are just tiny bears that possess the ability to wield a sword.

#9. Urban raccoons are often struck and killed by vehicles, but that’s only because they’re trying to jack the mofo’s wheels. Werd.

#10. RACCOONS ARE DEADLY!

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