6 Reasons Why Men Hate Valentine’s Day

Oh the complaints and moaning I hear from my fellow males when Valentine’s Day rolls around. Here are the top 5 male related Valentine’s comments, and my responses to them.

1. Valentine’s Day is stupid.

Truth: Maybe it is and maybe it’s not, but it doesn’t have to be. If all you do on Valentine’s Day is bitch to your better half about just how stupid Valentine’s Day is, you’re sending the message that you’re okay with disappointing her and ruining her day. For your sake, why don’t we just rename Valentine’s Day to Figuratively Slap Your Girlfriend in the Face Day?

FACT: Girls do not like to be literally or figuratively slapped in the face. While I recommend avoiding both, the former holds much steeper consequences than the latter.

2. Valentine’s Day is a huge hassle and a major pain in the ass.

Truth: Yes, it can be. Flower shops have jacked up their prices, restaurants are at capacity, and most men cannot stand writing mushy cards. Suck it up, it’s one day a year, buy some flowers, write the card (because you want your lady to be happy), and if you forgot to make reservations, cook a nice dinner for her or with her. If you can’t do that much, I’m sure there are more than a few single guys who would love to treat your lady right.

FACT: Even if your girlfriend or wife is terribly ugly, there is still at least one other guy who wants to do her.

3.  Valentine’s Day is just a holiday conceived by the greeting card companies to increase profits and leech money from the pockets of hard working men.

Truth: Actually, according to the great Wikipedia, Valentine’s Day was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, who decided to change an old fertility celebration called Lupercalis, which was held on February 15th, into a Christian feast in honour of St. Valentine, a third century Roman Martyr. He also changed the date of the celebration to February 14th.  After the Roman Emperor, Claudius II, put a ban on marriage, Valentine did not agree with the ban and married couples in secret, however it was not long before Claudius found out about these secret marriages and imprisoned Valentine. While in prison Valentine became great friends with his jailor’s blind daughter and it is said that just before his execution he wrote a farewell message to her and signed it “From your Valentine”. It is thought that he was executed on February 14th 270 AD. Somehow, I don’t think Hallmark had a hand in creating this one, but I don’t doubt they had a hand in exploiting it, especially after it was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969. Exploiting holidays is not a new thing (see Christmas, Easter, Halloween, etc), so stop bitching about it.

FACT: The jailer’s blind daughter had a nice rack.

4. Valentine’s Day is too expensive.

Truth: It doesn’t have to be. Gifts are not required on V-Day. Gifts are required on anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas, but V-day is more about showing the old ball and chain that you give a rat’s ass and that, for at least one day a year, you can still be romantic. If you want to save some cash, a single rose, a nice card, and a home cooked meal can go a long way. If you want to go even cheaper make her a mixed tape.

FACT: Warming up a Jamaican Patty is not considered cooking and roses are not like donuts, you do not have to buy them by the dozen.

5. My girlfriend doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day.

Truth: She might not care, and she might just be saying she doesn’t care. Either way, do something nice. It’s almost impossible for girls not to hear about how all her friends’ boyfriends are more romantic than Wayne Newton while you, on the other hand, nuke her a Pizza Pop and give her a wicked good (and hot) dutch oven.

FACT: Being a good Valentine will get you laid. Being a great Valentine might get you mouth laid.

6. My girlfriend or wife doesn’t deserve flowers or a card.

Truth: You may hate her guts, and that’s probably a good sign to get some counseling or break it off.

FACT: Do not break up with your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day or you there’s a chance you will be part of the Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Please share this link so your boyfriend or husband has a fighting chance to save Valentine’s Day.

  • It’s hard to out romantic Wayne Newton. Dude has penguins…
    Why would the Valentine write a note for a blind girl? Seems kind of cruel. Should have told her with diamonds.

    • haha, prison diamonds, aka kidney stones.

  • Jenelephant Acewell

    I was afraid when I saw this post. I waited a good 10 minutes to read it. But, I love it. Well put you fine, fine camel man, well put. You are wonderful, and I love that you understand these things. Thank you for making Valentine’s Day happy 🙂 The ladies who get such treatments do not go around unappreciative!

    • lol, I thought it might scare you.

  • Pwner1988

    If anyone wants my girlfriend they can have her. please.

    • Who says romance is dead?

      • BaldheadedFoo

        Misandrist women like you are helping to kill it.

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  • I still say screw Valentine’s Day. To quote someone random dude from the internet; “if you need a calander to remind you to treat the one you love nice and tell them you love them, then what loveless hell are you living in?” The same goes for any other holiday. You shouldn’t need a calander to remind you to promote peace on earth.

    That out of the way I still liked the article. :p

    • Thanks for the feedback. So do you suggest we drop the holidays, but maybe keep the days off? I’m all for it. Maybe we can rename Christmas to Generic Holiday #9 or something to that effect. Oh, the time and money we’d save! I love it.

      • BaldheadedFoo

        How horrible of you to suggest that. Christmas and Easter are very important days of celebration for Christians. these days were never meant to be about the gifts, but instead the sacrifice and salvation they represent. It will continue to be very meaningful to some of us even though you clearly don’t get it.

  • mouth laid bwahahahaha

    good article – not what i expected, mr. camel bears his romance side, complete with cuss words and the fantastic phrase ‘mouth laid’

  • Guest

    Great article. Get her an Elite Glass Card card and she will give you both of #5

  • Ralph Horque

    There is another very large group of people who hate Valentine’s day; Lonely people. Think of them.

    • BaldheadedFoo

      lonely people maybe…but not necessarily those who are alone intentionally.

  • BaldheadedFoo

    Hey author, want to know the real reason most men dread Valentine’s Day? Because its all about HER! Your shameless article perfectly illustrates that.

    I love being coupleless!!!!!

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