How to See Who’s Looking At Your Facebook Profile

How exciting! Now there’s an application that allows you to see who has been visiting your profile, looking at your pictures, and stalking your Facebook. Why are they stalking you? Because they love you and want to manipulate your genitals in a pleasurable fashion. Wowie!

The Truth

There’s a well known expression: if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Yup, these things are scams. They always have been and always will be.

Spying on others, anonymously, is one of the major reasons Facebook is so popular. Without that anonymity, people may as well be sitting in a tree outside their neighbors bedroom window in broad daylight.

Here’s how the scam works:

Step 1: Attract Jim’s attention by offering him the ability to get something he really wants (an iPad, lots of money fast, sex, or the ability to see who’s looking at his profile). For the sake of this article, we will continue to examine the “See Who’s Looking at Your Profile” Scam.  BAITING, done.

Step 2: Ask Jim to click “Like” before giving him any further details. This step utilizes a social influence tactic called The Foot in the Door Technique. Basically, they have Jim agree to a moderate request (clicking “Like”) so that he’s more likely to agree to a larger request. It’s been tested and it works. On top of that technique, the application will show a picture of a large breasted girl or a ripped dude, AKA an ideal mate for any sexual preference. (See the above picture, it’s taken from a real Facebook scam). PSYCH-OUT, done.

Step 3: Ask Jim to send a link for this application to a bunch of his friends. This is the larger request.  The application will tell Jim that, in order to see who wants to bury her face in his crotch, Jim is required to send a link for this application to 10 or more of his friends in order to continue.  What Jim doesn’t know is that the link will say something along the lines of “I was skeptical too, but it works!!!”Jim has gone this far and because he hasn’t been laid in months, and is dying for female affection, he decides he has to spam his friends in order to find out if any Facebook chicks are digging him and his self-taken topless bathroom pictures. CLICK, done.

Step 4: The application then produces a random list of 10-20 of Jim’s friends and claims these are the people who are checking out Jim’s profile the most. One or two of the girls on this list might be ladies Jim wouldn’t mind getting to know better, so excitedly, Jim believes the application works. DUPING, done.

Step 5: A number of Jim’s friends receive the spam he sent them in Step 3, and another bunch of people see the spam on the newsfeed, and because they believe Jim to be an honest, albeit mildly creepy guy, they sign up for the application and send it to a 10+ of their friends who send it to some of their friends and so on.  SPAMMING, done.

Why Are we so Easily Duped?

Duh, it’s because most of us are morons. I’m kidding. These scams target 5 types of people:

#1. The Lonely. Single people, or people looking for a change in naked wrestling partners, are probably the most susceptible to this scam. Think about it, if you were single girl and knew of another single guy that you liked, constantly checking your Facebook profile and looking at your bikini pictures, you’d have a good idea he has a crush on you and it would be so much easier to hook up.

#2. The Curious. Who wouldn’t want to know who is looking at their profile? We have a thirst for knowledge and statistics, especially when it concerns the almighty me, myself, and I.

#3. The Bored. Some people have nothing to do but click on anything anyone asks them to click on. These are the ones who have a computer that always seems to have viruses. Rule of thumb: if you don’t know what it is, don’t click on it.

#4. The Naive. Not everyone can be overflowing with common sense, which is the funny thing about common sense, it’s not really common at all.

#5. All of the Above. It’s a longshot that anyone is all of the above, but it’s more than possible. Being lonely can mean having no one to hang out with and nothing to do, which can be boring. On top of that, being lonely can make someone more curious about others and what they’re doing and, well, the stupid part might just be a coincidence, or it might be the reason no one wants to date or hang out with that particular person.

The Bottomline: None of these applications will ever work. Share this link to Twitter or Facebook using the buttons below so we can help stop (or at least slow down) the spam.

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