Deadly Animals: 10 Amazing Facts About Sloths

1. Sloths are herbivores, and because of that fact, do not eat other mammals. But just because the sloth doesn’t want to eat you, doesn’t mean he won’t use those big ass claws to tear you a new asshole, and although getting new gifts can be nice, I can guarantee you that a new asshole is simply not something you’d want.

ADVICE: If the idea of a new asshole is still enticing to you, perhaps you might want to look into asshole reconstruction surgery.

2. The sloth is most well known for being very slow and nice and slow is just how your Mama likes it.

3. Sloths sleep at least 15 hours or more during the day. Why? Because they’re exhausted from tearing new assholes and slowly satisfying your Mom. All. Night. Long.

4. A cornered sloth may swipe at attackers in an effort to scare them away or wound them or, of course, tear them a brand spanking new car wreck of an asshole.

5. Sloths go to the ground to urinate and defecate about once a week, usually, right on top of your Mama.

6. Sloths are found in the tropical areas of Central and South America, or in the back of your car, waiting to tear you a new blood spurting asshole.

7. Infant sloths normally cling to their mother’s’ fur, that is until they reach maturity, then they cling to your mother’s fur.

8. Sloths blend in with the trees and because they move very slowly, do not attract attention, except from your mama, who can’t keep her filthy hands off of that fine looking creature.

9. As much as two-thirds of a well-fed sloth’s body-weight consists of the contents of its stomach, the rest of it’s weight, mainly consists of cock, just ask yo Mama.

10. Those second and third mangled assholes you have are because sloths are deadly!

  • http://thenonreview.com/ TS Hendrik

    I’m sensing a theme with sloths. They seem to have a thing for tearing holes and mothers. I shall avoid at all costs.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      I’m a little surprised about all of this myself. Shocked.

  • Honest Abe

    i will never ever ever take my mother to central or south america.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      Your Mom is probably already on the next flight over there.

  • http://twitter.com/haikustanley Brad Stanley

    this is some pretty art you’ve created here

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      Thanks my friend, but that’s just a sloth being dangerously awesome.

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