When most people get put to sleep, they’re asked to count backwards from 100. Instead, the dental assistant asked me what was on my t-shirt. The last thing I said before passing out, which is something I always feared might be my last words, was “Zombies.”
I awoke 25 minutes later confused, four teeth lighter, mouth stuffed with bloody gauze, and feeling more than a little woozy. The dental assistant escorted me to a recovery room, put some ice packs on my cheeks and threw a blanket over me. I ran my hand across my abdomen to make sure they didn’t take a kidney too. Only my spleen was missing. Thank goodness.
After picking up some prescription medication – Tylenol 3s and Oxycocets – and getting settled on the pullout couch, I thought, today is going to be a nice lazy day. Videogames, applesauce, and relaxation. I didn’t play a second of videogames. Rough life, isn’t it?
As a little pain started to emerge from the fogginess of the anesthetic I took a T3 and waited to for it to kick in. My lip still frozen, I was drooling blood a bit, and the pain continued to worsen. The original idea was to man up and minimize taking any painkillers, because times are tough and the street value of T3s and oxycocet isn’t half bad. May as well make some holiday spending money. However, the throbs of pain weren’t getting any better so I tried a 2nd T3, as the label said I could have 2 every 4-6 hours, but again, the pain kept getting worse.
One of my 4 wisdom teeth had been badly impacted, and that was the only area that actually hurt. The other ones didn’t hurt a bit. I had to double check whether the dentist actually removed the other 3. Running my finger along my molars I discovered my wisdom teeth had been replaced with chick peas. Dental humor I guess.
Five hours after taking the 1st T3, the pain was getting to the point where I was cursing my other teeth for not making room for the wisdom tooth in the first place. Jerks. At that point I decided it was time to try the oxycocet. The oxycocet yielded much better results than the T3s. They felt like getting smacked with a pillow stuffed with awesome. Mouth still bleeding? pffttt…who cares.
Besides some time off of work, the other pros were rekindling my love affair with applesauce, tomato soup, and jello. All it took was getting 4 teeth yanked out with pliers. Damn, it was worth it. Do you miss eating applesauce? Let me know, I’ll twist and pull some of your teeth out for you, or you could just buy some applesauce, but then what would I do with these shiny new pliers?
On top of that, having 4 bloody craters in your mouth means you most likely won’t want to eat as much as usual. It’s the diet you never asked for!
Today I’ve switched back to T3s and am pain free for the most part. The bleeding stopped overnight and although my face is still swelling up, it’s not as funny as I’d hoped or I’d have posted a picture.
Time to eat some soup and play some of those videogames I never got to yesterday.