Party Like Lindsay Lohan

A lot of people are giving Lindsay Lohan, aka Li-Lo, a hard time because she likes to party. Well you know what, go suck on a goat. Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar like to party too and no one gives them a hard time.  Party time. Excellent. Right? Parties are cool. On holidays, you party. On birthdays, you party. On weekends, you party. Lindsay does it everyday. Everyday is a holiday for Li-Lo. Everyday is her birthday. How awesome is that? Probably more awesome than Moses on a tricycle.

Hey man, don’t you like to party? Maybe people are just jealous Lindsay likes to rock out with her cock out while they sit at home and watch re-runs of Matlock. Maybe people are in denial that Lindsay is the role model for the next generation. She is you know. The world is in an economic funk and the only remedy is table dancing and getting loaded Lindsay style. When the Sugar Hill Gang rocked Apache (Jump on it) they were decades ahead of their time. Little known fact, the song was about dancing on tables, just like Lohan. Look around, do you see a table? Jump on it and dance. Toot-sweet!

When the recording artist and prophet, Prince, sang “I’m gonna party like it’s 1999” I don’t think you were listening, but you know who took notice? Lindsay Lohan.

You just know Lindsay will be getting into politics soon because whether it’s republicans or democrats, she’s into all parties. I’m almost certain she’ll be the next president of the USA.  She’s lump, she’s lump, she’s in my head? She should be. She’s great.

The Beastie Boys preached you should fight for your right to party. It’s because they fought, that Lindsay is where she is today. Most people are making a mockery of the freedoms The Beastie Boys put themselves on the line for. Shame on them. Shame on you.

Sure, Jesus walked on water, but he also turned water into wine, because he knows you need booze for a kickass party. Lindsay is going one step beyond. She doesn’t even know what water is. I’m almost certain People magazine caught her not walking on water, but walking on wine.

For my American friends, it’s Thanksgiving. Give thanks to Lord Lohan while you party your ass off, stuff turkey down your gullet and watch some football. For everyone else, it’s Thursday, and rumor has it, Thursday is the new Friday. So go out and party like Lindsay Lohan. That’s what I’m doing.

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