Courtney Love, the human embodiment of vomit, was born in 1964, ten years after the introduction of Pig Pen, and five years prior to the first appearance of Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street. Courtney took to these characters right away, and often pleaded with her mother, “If Pig Pen and Oscar don’t have to take baths, I don’t either.” If she only knew the slippery slope she was on.
While her peers looked up to the likes of Wonder Woman, Jackie Kennedy or The Beatles, Love continued to idolized those with poor hygiene and was often seen rolling in the mud, and eating out of a trough in what her 2nd grade teacher could only describe as a “pig-like manner.” Many years later, she’d be seen eating out of the crotch of strangers in the exact same pig-like manner.
By the age of 14, Courtney had every single STD known to man and some others not yet categorized. Her own mother would wear surgical gloves and mask while they ate dinner.
Courtney Love, a walking genital wart, is a prime example of the influence of Oscar and Pig Pen. But she’s just one person, how far have the dirty hands of these childhood mentors reached? How many others have been tainted by the influence of Pig Pen and Oscar the Grouch?
Homelessness has been on a steady increase and while some researchers blame overcrowding, the economy, and unemployment rates, this researcher is pointing to Oscar’s glamorization of living in and eating out of a garbage can as the real culprit. I know it’s crossed my mind a few times to trade in my home for a stainless steel garbage can.
It’s common knowledge Pig Pen made lice cool in the 70s and experts claim he is a front runner for being a catalyst for the worldwide outbreak of bed bugs. Dirty is cool. Dirty is in. For those of us still searching for an identity, being the guy followed by a cloud of filth has some definite appeal.
Only time will tell how many Courtney Loves have been created by this dirty duo. Have you been skipping showers lately or not wearing deodorant?
In the next issue, we’ll discuss the obvious correlation between the Care Bears and homosexuality.