Triceratops Didn’t Exist

I just read this article telling me triceratops, the James fucking Dean of dinosaurs, may never have existed. My whole world has been turned upside down.

Sure, someone might say, “The idea of a triceratops still exists, it’s just actually known as a torosaurus. Scientists simply didn’t realize the triceratops was just a torosaurus at a different stage of growth and not actually a different dinosaur. Hey, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, right?”

To that I reply, “Sure, and if Brad Pitt’s name was Diarrhea J. Face, he’d have just as many fans you dream squashing, Shakespeare quoting jerkwad.”

I’ve always modeled myself after the triceratops. Listed under the special skills section of my resume it says, “Triceratops like pugnacity.” Does that mean I’m not as pugnacious as I’ve made myself out to be?

Not sure if I’m going to get over this. Torosaurus? It just doesn’t sound right.

  • http://thenonreview.com/ TS Hendrik

    I think you can still use the triceratops bit in your special skills, just add that scientists are constantly screwing with your labels.

    The James Dean of dinosaurs. that is twelve kinds of awesome.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      scien-tists or scien-tits? y'know?

  • JohnOO

    Yeah, but science is all a theory until someone proves it wrong! Or so my theory goes. Give them a few hundered years and there will be some jokey news bit about how wrong they all got it. Channel yer inner Obama, go dig!!! Yes you can!!!

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      That sounds good, except I won't be alive in a few hundred years when the RETURN OF THE TRICERATOPS parades are happening. *sigh*

  • Phil Teixeira

    nonoononononononononono. I won't believe it.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      There are counsellors trained to help in this particular situation.

  • Donald Ridenbaugh

    Its actually the reverse. Torosaurus may be a younger specimen of Triceratops. For some reason the media can’t get the facts straight. Maybe its more of a story if a dinosaur the public has heard of is thought to not exist anymore. Anyway, you’re fine, Triceratops is still a valid genus, it’s Torosaurus that MAY be up in the air.

  • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

    Of course the story is boring if Torosaurus doesn’t exist. I’m not sure if the media realized just how many dreams they stomped on by releasing these lies.

    This is the best news I’ve heard all day. You my friend, are a gentleman and, apparently, a scholar.

    Viva triceratops!

  • Juan Yu

    Don’t worry! No matter what the media tells us, Triceratops still exists even if it turns out to be “young adult” form of Torosaurus (which I think is totally absurd). This is because that Triceratops was named before Torosaurus was, which means the name Torosaurus, NOT Triceratops that will go away. That’s why Apatosaurus is a valid name while Brontosaurus isn’t. However, I think John Scannella and Jack Horner’s theory is a bit too far. To start with, post-cranial material (fossil material other than the skull) of Torosaurus indicates it is 7.6 meters long, smaller than the 9 meter long Triceratops. The only animal I know of which shrinks as it grows up is the paradoxical frog, and dinosaurs with fossils of individuals of all ages found (Allosaurus and Triceratops’s relatives Protoceratops and Centrosaurus) proves that dinosaurs DID NOT grow up like that! Also, Scannella and Horner’s theory suggest that the solid frill of Triceratops grow 2 large holes as they mature. This is utter nonsense, since why Triceratops had a solid frill if it will grow 2 holes in later life? To me, until somebody else finds more credible evidence than Horner and Scannella, Torosaurus and Triceratops are separate animals.

    • http://www.corruptcamel.com C. Camel

      Another expert opinion! Thanks for restoring my hope and love the triceratops and for dinosaur-kind. Fascinating stuff. I’m with you all the way.

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