The Ideal Age

At least once in your life, most likely after watching a vampire flick or a movie involving a fountain of youth, you will ask yourself and your friends what the ideal age is. What age would you like to remain forever?

Popular answers are usually in the 20s and that’s understandable. Our 20s are when we’re young and vital. Our physical peak. Before the wrinkles, sagging, and the gut your wife says is cute or your husband says you don’t have (they’re lying). Some might say early 20s, but I’m not sure people will take someone so fresh faced seriously. I’m thinking more mid to late 20s.

I think I’ve figured out my ideal age. You see, every so often I decide to try to grow a beard. I’m not horrible at it, but I’m no Abe Lincoln (oddly, that’s the first bearded guy that comes to mind). Let’s just say my beard is a little patchy in spots. A few puzzle pieces are missing. I see myself in the mirror and think, until I can fill in those voids, my life is incomplete. But every time I try to grow it, it’s a little less patchy than the time before. So I decided yesterday, the age I’d like to stay forever is the age when I can grow a full and beautiful beard. My life will be nearly complete. It’s on my life’s to-do list right after writing a bestselling novel.

For those of you who could grow a full beard by the age of 12, what do we call you, oh yes, Italians, your ideal age might be a little harder to figure out. Maybe the age before your back hair got out of hand. I kid, I kid. I’m just jealous of your full beard.

For those men who can’t grow a beard and will never be able to (i.e. lesser men), at least you don’t have to shave everyday. That’s a plus isn’t it, champ?

For women, it’s much more difficult and probably not shaving related. Unless it was when you could properly shave a lightning bolt into your … Nevermind.

So my question to you is: what would your ideal age be and why?

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