You Must Leave a Message After the Beep

My problem is with people who leave a message that’s one sound – *click*. Before you pick up the phone to call someone, decide if you want to leave a message. Don’t wait for the beep before you hang-up.  That *click* sound makes me want to punch inanimate objects hard enough so that I hurt my hand, get mad at that object, hit it again, and then have a sore hand.

If you’re thinking, what’s the big deal? Just erase it. <– Screw you.

On my cellphone I have to call my voicemail, enter a 4 digit passcode, listen to the phone company’s recorded message to tell me I have 3 new messages, then I have to hit ‘1’ twice in order to listen to my unheard messages, and then, and then, and then!!! I have to hear the sound of someone hanging up because they lost their nerve at the last minute. This process takes up to 3 minutes. 3 minutes of my life wasted because you don’t have the balls to say, “Hey, it’s Jim. Give me a call back.” or “Hi, it’s Barbara. Drinks at 7pm. See you there.”

What’s worse, is when they call back and leave the same hang-up message. Undeniable proof of their stupidity. When the prerecorded message came on informing them to “leave a message after the beep” were they so surprised they were rendered speechless?

My voicemail can only hold 5 messages. I’m not a drug dealer or a pimp, that should be enough. But sometimes 5 messages is not enough because when some moron leaves a non-message they are taking up room for a real message that can be left by someone who has a real brain.

If you’re thinking, if you answered your phone, maybe your messages wouldn’t get backed up. <– You are really pissing me off. What is your problem!?!

Sometimes I’m on the subway, sometimes I don’t hear the phone,sometimes I’m at a place where having your ringer on isn’t polite (like the movies), or maybe I’m screening my calls from people who don’t understand the simple concept of hanging up before the beep or leaving a message after said beep.

So if you phone me, leave a message if you get past the beep. Anything. Even if it’s just your name or a funny word like, “booger”. At least I can get a laugh out of it.

Thanks for your time.

  • man you know what – my cell is the same way, it only holds five messages but the problem lies with BELL Canada itself. What happens is even if people hang up as soon as they hear the voicemail activate, before the “at the tone, please leave a message”, the friggin’ voicemail records the hang up! WHY. WHY WOULD THEY ENGINEER THEIR NETWORK THIS WAY. What fucking possible sense could this make to anyone.

    “yeah Jim, great work on creating this cellular network”

    “thanks Dan, the best part is not that the voicemail function only holds five messages, but that even if people didn’t want to leave a message – it still records the call hanging up!”

    “you sir, are the greatest genius any of us will ever know”

    “I know!”

    * jumping high five*

    roll credits

  • My suggestions is to get rid of voicemail completely. Who leaves messages any more?

    Actually, I DO… but then I get irked when the person calling me back has not listened to my message! If you have voicemail, listen to your messages! So there are certain people I call that I do not leave a message for (my sister). Because they will just call me back two minutes later anyway. And those same people (my sister) leave the LONGEST messages on MY voicemail! How unfair is that?

    So I often don’t bother to listen to my voicemail. My phone will tell me who called. I can call them back. If you have one of those important kinds of lives where important people will be calling you about business opportunities, then I suppose you need voicemail. Or just record yourself saying you never check your voicemail and to please email or text you. Know what I’m saying?

    p.s. “sister” refers to my actual sister here, not my little sister.. just wanted to clarify.

  • I have an iPhone with visual Vm so I dont have that problem anymore. But at work I have to go through the same process as you and it reminds me why i pay a ilttle extra for visial VM 🙂

    People dont leave many voice messages these days though. It’s all text messages now.

    I’m sorry if I’ve ever done it to you 🙁

  • @Keirbot – oh Bell…You bastards. By the way, I hate Jim too. Roll credits.

    @Sally – I’m one of those people that return calls rather than get the voicemail. But that’s only because it’s such a pain in the ass to retrieve my messages that I’d rather just phone people back and because half of the time the messages are just people hanging up (in case you didn’t just read my rant).

    You’re right, you need to leave some people messages, and some people you know will phone you back when they see they missed your call. Perhaps we should all talk to each other more about our message preference so we can live in a better world with less bitter people.

    @Czech_Boy – If you’ve done it to me you’ll never know until it’s too late.

  • Oooh, we both vented on a Friday! Fun!

    THIS: “When the prerecorded message came on informing them to “leave a message after the beep” were they so surprised they were rendered speechless?”

    First off, that’s funny shit. Second, I will admit there have been a FEW occasions where I’ve gotten all the way to the end of the greeting before hanging up. There are two reasons this may have happened:
    1) Some people’s greetings are so funny that I have to listen to them, but then at the end I decide I really have nothing important to say.
    2) At the end of their greeting, I suddenly clam up and can’t say anything because I feel awkward leaving voicemail messages.

    But don’t mistake that explanation for me trying to defend the other assholes. Just some insight into what a few of us dicks might be thinking when it happens.

  • @Jez – thanks for the insight. with call display we can pinpoint who didn’t leave the message so you’re better off saying something. Like I said, anything would be good. Even a random animal sound or a burp. in fact, i encourage people to leave me messages with random animal noises.

  • I want to know how many “booger” messages you have gotten since posting this blog. 🙂

  • @Julie – Countless “booger” messages. I laugh every time. It will never ever get old. Booger jokes are timeless.

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