Jeans: The Only Pants You’ll Ever Need to Wear

Now that jeans are acceptable at most of the choosier restaurants and clubs, providing they’re accompanied with something relatively dressy such as a blazer and or tie, there’s no reason not to wear jeans all the time. Want some more reasons? Sure you do.

Jeans are the ninjas of pants. If you wear leather pants, cords, shorts, or khakis day after day, people will notice. They’ll say, “Hey, there goes Larry Leather Pants.” or “Oh Corrina Corduroy wears her cords all week long. Thinks she’s soooo cool.”  Not to say there isn’t a time or place for these pants, but wearing them every day? Don’t be stupid. The jean, however, slips seamlessly (NPI) into everyday life. No one even notices. Heck, I’ve been wearing the same jeans for 3 months and no one has said a thing. Note: exceptions include: jeans that are too tight, too short, not blue, or have ridiculous designs on them. These can be worn, but not every day.

Jeans help you figure out what job is right for you. If your job doesn’t let you wear jeans, I think it’s pretty clear you should look for another job. Large salary, company car, great benefits: all these things are worthless if you can’t work comfortably in jeans. Who are they to tell me what kind of pants to wear? That’s pantism, which in some circles is as bad as racism. Look at your legs right now, if they’re not draped in jeans and you’re at work, stand up and leave. Now.

Jeans are casual and professional. Jeans can do it all. How many pants are as versatile as jeans? Jogging pants can’t be professional. Yoga pants? Not unless you’re teaching yoga. Jeans and a T-shirt = Ya, you’re cool. Jeans and a blazer = Oooh, business savvy, rawr!

Jeans are durable. In a pant fight, jeans would beat the hell out of most pants. I saw a recent fight where jeans took on capri pants. It ended with the jeans crapping lint all over the capris. Don’t believe me? Fuck you.

Jeans unite the world. City folk and country bumpkins don’t have a lot in common, but jeans bring them together and act as a wonderful ice breaker. I’m not sure how many women I hooked up with in Alabama using a good jean pickup line. People from all walks of life wear jeans. Rich people, poor people and everyone in between. How many poor people do you see wearing Armani slacks? Do you think jeans favor one race over another? Hells no. Jeans are equal opportunity pants and act as an example not only to all pants, but to all people.

So if you want to be a ninja working in the right profession who is both casual and professional, durable, not elitist or racist you should wear some jeans and at the same time, try to be more like jeans.

Jeans. They’re not only pants, they’re role models too. Might I suggest you send this post to non-jeaners to show them what they’re missing? Perhaps you should send it to jeaners too, remind them they’re doing the right thing. Jeantastic!

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