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Just like women, men grow up taking baths as kids. So why don’t men take baths when they become adults?

I’m sure there are hundreds of reasons. I’m tired, so here are 3.

3. Most men are too big for most tubs. I’m 6″3. I get squished and usually have something jabbing me somewhere awful. It’s very uncomfortable and I feel ridiculous.

2. Men are dirty. We’re dirtier than most women because we’re usually larger and hairier. If you’re a large, hairy woman I offer you my sincere apologies (for a few reasons). Hair holds sweat, grease and dirt and you can imagine what ass hair is holding on to. On top of that, the only time men consider taking baths is when they’re too sore to shower, and that’s most likely after sports or manual labor; when we’re at our dirtiest. Ten minutes of sitting in that cauldron and the water is green. It’s disgusting.

1. We don’t have toys anymore. Baths were fun growing up because the above reasons didn’t apply: we weren’t too big, and weren’t nearly as dirty and hairy as we are now. Furthermore, we had GI Joes. The ongoing battle between Snake Eyes and the cloth monster that lived beneath the bubbly swamp was epic.

So in summary, if I were sore, had a jacuzzi, I showered beforehand, and I had my GI Joes and an especially evil cloth, I’d take a bath for sure. Until then, no dice.

Note: Scroll down to see the tags used for this article. Kinda gay.

Tags: bath, bathe, men