Baby Throws Deadbeat Dad in Dumpster
C. Camel on Apr 3rd 2009
"The evidence is clear as day. The baby did it."
OMAHA, NE – Deadbeat dad, Al Waller was found dead in a dumpster behind the local grocery store just a block from his bachelor apartment. Police are baffled as clues indicate the baby, two year old Timothy ‘Timmy’ Waller, is responsible.
Crime scene investigators found Timmy’s torn Spongebob T-shirt, his rattle (being dubbed the “death rattle”), determined to be the murder weapon, and a soiled diaper, containing kernels of corn, Timmy’s favorite food.
Al Waller was behind on his child support payments, leaving Timothy and his Mother (Al’s ex-wife), Barb, in a financial bind. When asked to describe how she felt in one word, Barb said, “Proud,” then resumed dancing.
Skeptics are saying this is a setup or hoax perpetrated by the government to encourage deadbeat Dads to make their payments. They claim the baby had nothing to do with it.
“This is not a conspiracy. The evidence is clear as day. The baby did it. Deal with it people,” said Detective Roger Finch, stroking his mustache.
Police psychologist Dr. Sally Sharpe explains how babies killing deadbeat dads might be the new trend. “With all the dumpster baby jokes, it was only a matter of time before babies took matters into their own hands. I’m not surprised at all. ”
Jokesters on the world wide web are already formulating dumpster dad jokes, but in this journalist’s opinion, it is simply too soon. One website had the headline – Deadbeat Dad, found dead/beat in Dumpster.
Fox TV has already started shooting the TV movie.
Timothy Waller has been taken into police custody, but refuses to talk until he gets his magic dance hat.
Filed in Crime
I like how you worked ‘staches’ into this one. Nice.
While pointing at their crotch, that’s what women will be saying to mustached men all over the world.