Real Food! Why Your Business Failed

I saw this sign in Toronto and had to take a picture.

Just when you thought you couldn't find "real food" anywhere

When you own a teriyaki restaurant, teriyaki is the big selling item. It’s what will make or break the business. But when your sign says, “Not Only Teriyaki” and below says, “Real Food,” it implies that your make or break item, the teriyaki, isn’t real food. Another knee slapper is that “Real Food!” has an exclamation point beside it, which means they’re excited they have real food. They don’t think this is something being offered everywhere else.

Also, if the daily special is glued or painted on your window, and has been there since the restaurant opened, it’s not a daily special, it’s the regular everyday price.

I actually used to eat here and it was only when the “For Rent” sign was up that I started thinking of possible reasons it could have gone belly-up. Oddly enough, when they served me iced tea from a paint bucket, I was just happy my lunch was under $5 and included a drink.

They also had many copies of Hello! magazine, which kept me updated on any gossip pertaining to the royal family. I used to dare people to quiz me on Prince Harry. Alas, those days are gone, and so is my teriyaki restaurant. Where am I going to get real food?

Oh well, fuck it, I’ll get thai cuisine at this place instead.