Blankets Trap Your Hands

C. Camel on Mar 11th 2009

Check out this website, www.pantalaine.com, and do yourself a favor and look over all of the items they’re selling. The pictures are hilarious. Here’s a preview.

While the couchdress and everything else on that site is clearly a joke, this next product is real, and just as idiotic.

Snuggies are so mind numbingly stupid they make me want to spit acid. There can be only 3 reasons to purchase it, and by 3 reasons, I mean there is only 1.

1. You’re willing to spend a small amount of money on this ridiculous product just to get a giggle out of your friends and family.

If this is the case, let’s be friends. I like your gusto and I look forward to spending evenings wrapped in a Snuggie chuckling heartily at the shear absurdity of a blanket with sleeves.

2. You’re joining a religious cult and you need a uniform.

If you come across a large group of people wearing snuggies, maybe burning a cross, or performing a séance, avoid eye contact and run like hell. Remember, anyone wearing these can get a hold of you, their hands are not trapped!

3. You need a blanket that doesn’t trap your hands while you’re masturbating to reruns of The Golden Girls.

The truth is, everyone is buying it for reason #3, but in order to save face, they’re claiming they bought it for reason #1 or #2. Own up to it. I do.